The Dare to Destroy ~Cashby~

Chapter 8

Austin's POV

"You're not giving me anything Carlile! It's been two months!" Ronnie growled.

"I'm trying! He's proving harder to crack then I thought he would! Just when I think I've got him he freezes me out and I have to start all over again! Why the hell do you think I've been taking the beating for them, I let you fracture my rib instead of Alan's to try and prove myself! I'm making progress but it's slow, I'm trying to speed it up but there's only so much I can do! Anything I've told you is what he's given me so far."

"You better not be lying to me Carlile...because if I find out you've been holding anything back from me, I'll destroy you right along side him! You know I have the dirt on you to do so! I will make your senior year a living hell, you understand me?"

"Yes Ronnie, I get you, I've told you everything I have so far, I promise you'll have what you want by the end of the year as planned!"

"I better have, because not only will I destroy you, and make your senior year hell...I'll go running to mommy telling her what an awful son she has...and she'll simply die disgusting and disappointed in her pathetic son!"

Those words caused anger to surge through me and without thinking my fist slammed into the wall, inches away from Ronnie's head. "Don't you DARE bring my mom into this! Don't you DARE try and use her as a weapon against me! I knew you where low but I never thought you'd be so low as to bring a sick woman on her death bed into this...so you leave my mother out of it, you understand?" My face was dangerously close to Ronnie's, he was lucky I missed him, because every inch of me wanted to beat the life out of him.

"Well, you better get me what I want then." Ronnie glared.

"You'll get it." I spat before grabbing my jacket and walking out of his house.

I started driving home, rage still fueled me, but I didn't go home, I stopped at a near by park area. I had to calm myself down, I couldn't pick up Alan in this state, I could never forgive myself if I took it out on him in a bad way. The thing is, right now all I wanted was Alan, I wanted that little ginger to tell me that everything's going to be okay, like he always did. But what was I supposed to tell him? I couldn't tell him the truth, he'd hated my guts, and I didn't want that. I also didn't completely trust myself not to lash at him if he said the wrong thing. I didn't want to hurt him, not like that...not in anyway.

If I was honest, there was a lot I was holding back from Ronnie, there's was quite a few little things I could've told him. I'd even got a video recording, I'd set it up in his room about three weeks ago. The footage showed him crying, then he disappeared...he came back, his arm covered in bloody bandages. Then two days later I saw Alan...and knowing what I'd seen, my heart broke. I'd never really cared if someone choose to hurt themselves that way before...but with him...I cared more then anything. I wanted to fix him, I wanted to make him stop hurting himself and be okay...the way he makes me feel okay. I meant everything I'd said to him last night, I'd tried to deny it, I still do, but it was a futile task. Over the pasts weeks...I think it was safe to say I was falling for that little ginger. There was something about him, he made me want to be better, he made me want to be a better person. He made me regret everything bad I'd ever done, he made me want to change. Everytime I was down, angry, upset, all I needed was him, and he made me okay. I started to get lost in his eyes every time I looked at him, I began craving his touch, his kiss...him.

I found a quite spot, collapsing against a tree and tears suddenly started flowing. I should've never agreed to this, I should've never of brought Alan into my life. I was a selfish, pathetic sonofabitch who didn't deserve a second of Alan's time. I told myself to tell him the truth, and beg that he'd forgive me somehow, but knowing now, what he's been through...he'd never forgive me. Hell, I can't forgive myself. I didn't know how to make this right without making him hate me forever. Without causing my mom to die hating me for what I've done. I knew Ronnie was low enough to do what he said. I can't let my mom die seeing me in the way, I can't bare seeing the look of disappointment and hate in her eyes when she'd look at me, until she took her last breath. I know I only have myself to blame, I know this is my own fault, I can't blame anyone else, there's no one else to blame. I wished Alan had moved her before all this, I wish I'd found Alan before, because if I had, I'd of probably never have done the things I did. I did them to cope, but now, Alan was my way of coping. But I could wish all I liked, but nothing could change what I've done. I didn't care if Ronnie tore me down too, he can make my school life hell, I didn't care. But I couldn't let him get to my mom, my dad, I couldn't let him get to Alan.