It's like a routine. A day to day occurrence full of secrets and lies. My window opens "for a breeze," but it doesn't stay open for long. This has gone on for months now, and no one has caught on. I can only hope it stays that way.
Branches move in front of my window. I can't help but to move forward and lift it up. There's a slight breeze. It isn't enough to push my hair off my shoulders, but I can feel it against my skin.
There's a groan before the window shuts. There's a bit of heavy breathing, but it isn't mine.
"You can run the bases, but crawling through a window winds you."
His smile is replaced with a playful glare. "I crawled through a window for you."
"And don't forget up a tree," I add, sitting down against the end of the bed. He sits down next to me. "You always do this for me. I don't see how it surprises you. Or, how you haven't built up endurance for it."
Cadenza is out on a shopping spree, and dad is working late. Laurance's practice runs late on Mondays. I've never understood why, but it just means I'm in charge of dinner if no one else is home.
It's a strange feeling. Being together in private but breaking apart when around others. This has been going on for four months now. At school, we're just in the same friend group. He stays near Laurance, and I stay near Kandi and Vylad. There's only seldom stolen glances between us. In private, we don't have to hide. Who do we have to hide from if our only audience is ourselves? We can be free to be seen together without our secret being blown.
Garroth wanted this to be a secret. He didn't want his friendship with Laurance to be ruined, and he feared there would be a strain on my relationship with him too. Because of this, I never told Kandi or Vylad. Two people closest to me, and I've kept this secret from them. It's hard not to mention it. Kandi and I gossip, but Vylad hears all my secrets. It feels wrong not telling him.
We've made up lies to spend time together outside of the few hours we have a week. Garroth and I have been lucky enough where we share a class together, and I go to his house to "study" together. This isn't something that is unusual for me since I've studied often with Kandi or Vylad, but it looked a bit strange for Garroth. But since there weren't any romantic tells others could see at the time, an assumption that Garroth was facing a tough class occurred. He claimed to Zianna I was the answer.
"What did you cover up with?" I ask, plopping my back against the top of my bed. "This isn't considered a study session."
"I said I was going to the library," Garroth says, following my lead and turns onto his side to face me. He props the side of his head up on his hand, looking at me.
This is a dreadful angle.
"You don't go to the library," I comment, lifting an eyebrow before forcing myself to turn to him due to fear of him commenting on my side profile, even though I know he wouldn't. "Vylad goes to the library."
"But Vylad's at one of his clubs. They wouldn't know any different."
"Do you even own a library card?"
Garroth doesn't comment on my remark.
Sometimes there's times like these where it's just the two of us. There's the fear of someone coming home, but it's more often than not that my household is empty than Garroth's. Zane doesn't go anywhere unless forced. He's so quiet sometimes you assume he's in his room even if he's out.
There's a bit of a thrill to having a secret relationship. It's something you have to hide from the world, and the thrill is there because with any slip up you can get caught.
But the lies create guilt, and the guilt sometimes consumes me. I can only cry to Garroth about it. If I cry to someone else, I only have to lie more.
Of course, there's moments I wish the idea of Laurance didn't control our relationship. I watch couples hold hands and walk down the hallway. Or, there's the littles pecks at lockers before going to class.
I can't have that. Instead, I watch girls flirt with my boyfriend because they don't know any better. He acts nonchalant about it, and I'm forced to watch it from the sidelines. It's times like those where I cling closer to a friend. It aches. Boys don't chase after me like they do with Garroth.
By the time I'm out of my thoughts, Garroth is standing in front of my bed. I didn't notice the change of weight until now.
"What's going on in your mind?"
I feel foolish for slipping from reality the way I have. I want to tell Garroth what I'm thinking, but I'd get the same answer as always.
"Nothing. I must be tired."
"That's a lie. What's wrong? You can tell me."
"I just wish we could be open about our relationship. Screw Laurance's unheard opinion," I say, rolling forward onto my chest. I nuzzle my face into the blankets, allowing my voice to become muffled. "I don't want to hide in the background anymore. I want to know what it's like to be a couple all the time. Not just part time."
"We are a couple all the time."
I lift my head up to put my arms under my chin. "You know what I mean."
The bed shifts again. Garroth looks down at me from the side of the bed and rolls a piece of my
hair around his finger.
He does know what I mean, but he doesn't want to admit it. He doesn't want to admit that maybe, just maybe, he wants it too.
"We don't know how Laurance will react. He'd be angry at first, but he'd get over it. I feel he'll be more upset if he found out on his own."
"He'll be upset that I went after his little sister more."
I wish I could tell him that I know my brother better than that, but it's never worked in the past.
