It takes far too long for me to finally understand what is happening between us. Twenty minutes ago, I called off a relationship. Now, I'm pushing my best friend off my lips. I stare at him like he's crazy, bringing my thumb to gently brush across my bottom lip. He seems. . . dazed. "Why did you do that? What are you on?"
"You have grass in your hair."
My hand goes to my hair to try and pluck out the said grass. It takes Vylad to reach forward for assistance for it to go away. "We just made out, and that's what you're concerned about? Stop being such a boy!"
"What am I supposed to do?"
I aggressively rub my face before groaning out loud. I don't think this is a question I should be answering. This isn't a conversation I should have to be having right now.
"Why are you not mad at me?"
I don't get an answer.
He should be pissed, especially with how I left after his confession. How I threw out the stupidest excuse because I didn't know how to react. That I told him that we needed to change how we interacted with each other as a half-truth because I was catering to a man's jealousy and pride. That I was willing to think more about a six-month relationship rather than a friendship that has lasted years until it was brought to my attention. All the lies. He should be pissed.
"You should be mad. Yell at me. Scream. Make me cry. I've been a complete-" I stop myself mid-sentence to better my word choice. I calm myself down. "I've been a terrible friend, Vylad. Friends don't do what I did. Why aren't you mad?"
"I'm not mad. I'm upset and disappointed, but I'm not mad."
I rather him be mad at me. I've never made Vylad disappointed in me. Never. And now, I have. I have hurt him because I'm immature and snuck around with a boy who showed interest in me. I didn't use my head. The idea that relationships could untangle never occurred to me, and they didn't matter until recently. I never paid attention.
He stands from his spot and reaches his hand out for me to grab onto. I'm thankful that he's not turning his back on me after all I've done. He's quick to pull me onto my feet and quickly observes the surrounding sky. It's growing darker.
"I wish you were mad." My admission to Vylad is absent-minded. At first, I don't realize I have said anything until he hums in response. It feels wrong of me to be beside him. To crave someone to hug. Someone to hold my hand, so I know I'm not alone. I don't deserve this, but Vylad does it all anyway. He's a better friend than I ever could be, and I can't believe girls mature faster than boys. Vylad has proven in every way that he is more mature than I am. "How are you so calm about this all? Why are you doing this? I don't deserve it."
"People do crazy things when they're in love."
I turn my head to him. "Love?"
This makes me feel worse, more so when he doesn't say anything. He loves me, and all I've done is treat him like shit.
Vylad walks me to the door. When he lets go of my hand, it grows cold. I feel contradicted. A piece of me wants to reach forward and grab onto his hand again after he says he should get back to his house for dinner, but the other side knows I shouldn't and to deal with the sudden coolness.
He says he likes the cool air and the walk to his house and doesn't need a ride. I don't take my turned down offer to heart. I know I've given him a lot to think about, and seeing me isn't going to help clear his thoughts.
Our last words consist of me apologizing, but us both agreeing we'll see the other at school. School forces me to be face to face with Garroth.
I close the door behind me, my back to the inside of my house. Once I turn around, I see Laurance sitting at a stool at the island before standing when he sees me. He looks concerned, but relieved when I turn around fully. I don't know if Garroth told him.
"I didn't know where you were. I got worried. It's nearly dark."
There's an internal sigh of relief with Laurance's words. Garroth didn't tell him. Is it suddenly my job to tell everyone? Laurance? Vylad? Kandi? Why is it me?
"I was with Vylad at the park. He walked me home," I say, forcing a timid smile to my face. I can't help but wrap my arms around him and nuzzle my face into his chest. A familiar smell. A familiar touch. I feel safe. I feel loved.
"Are you alright? Did something happen between you two?"
I shake my head, but it really just comes across as me rubbing my face side to side against his chest. His hold of me tightens, but I don't mind. I instead embrace it. "I love you, Laurlaur."
There's a soft chuckle. "I love you too."
