On The Wings of A Dragon

10. Hate

"I was programmed to hate anyone who didn't conform to my standards.  Anyone who wasn't a pure blood, was simply not good enough.  Do you think I had the privilege of choosing my own friends Potter?  Do you think that I was given the choice of how to behave or to speak or even how to eat and dress.  

Does your pea sized brain comprehend that I was taught to hate.  On so many different levels.  Don't you dare sit there and tell me we were both young and stupid.  You may have been.  But I was not.  

I approached you for your friendship, because it was the one thing in my life that my father couldn't control.  I wanted to be your friend you fucking imbecile, purely for my own satisfaction.  To prove to myself that I could do it", he panted.

Harry was gobsmacked.  He had never known.  "Then why did you insult Ron and his family?", he asked in a whisper, slowly removing his jacket, because the room was starting to get very warm.  It had nothing to do with how cute Draco looked when his cheeks were flushed with anger, thank you.

"Because he laughed at my name Potter, or have you conveniently forgotten that part?", he cried out, trying not to pay attention to the bulging muscles peering out from the short sleeves of Harry's T shirt.  Jesus Christ.  

"My name was everything to me, you may not understand that, but it was all I had at the time.  I was raised by a man, who told me that people would cower and show me respect whenever they heard it.  I was eleven for fucks sake, and I loved it.  I was told to love it.  Only now, I hate it", he said softly.

"Draco, I am so sorry.  I never knew.  If you had approached me after the fact, I would have forgiven you in a heartbeat.  I know I would have.  And for the record, I understand how you feel about your name, because I feel the same about mine.  Only the circumstances surrounding it, are very different", said Harry, hoping that there would be no questions about his last statement.  

Draco thought he was referring to his fame, and scoffed.  "Famous Potter", he sneered.

"What?  Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you think I enjoy the fame that my name awards me?  When you have ever seen me enjoy the staring, the gossip, the fan mail.  Can you?", he asked in a dangerously soft voice.  

He didn't want to lose his cool, because he was here for Draco and not for himself.  He had to let Draco see that.  "Can you, in all your infinite wisdom, since you seem to know so much, tell me for a fact, that's what makes me tick?".

Draco looked uncomfortable.  He was so sure that Potter had enjoyed his fame, and everything that came with it.  He never thought for one moment that he hated it.  "It doesn't matter what I think Potter, and I honestly don't care what you think either.  You came here to apologize, and you have.  If there is nothing else, you can leave", he said, hoping that he would but at the same time wanting him to stay.

"No.  I have apologized, but you haven't exactly said that you accept my apology.  So I will sit here until you do", his patient side coming to the forefront again.  He sat forward with his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands together, waiting for a reply.  

Not knowing if he was going to get one, well not today at least.  He had tried, and he had meant every word he said.  He would have forgiven him.  Their lives could have been so different.

"Let me make one thing clear.  You don't get to dictate what I do or how I do it.  I will accept your apology when I am good and ready.  I hate you and don't you forget that Potter", sneered the Slytherin, and with tears now brimming in his eyes, he turned away.  What he said, he didn't really mean, did he?  He sighed, hoping that Potter would get the hint that he was tired, and he wanted to be alone.

Standing up slowly, Harry realized that this was going to take longer than he had thought, but he would persevere.  He needed Draco to know that he didn't hate him back, that there was no time and place for that in their new world.  Hadn't he died to prove it?  

He took his jacket from the chair, and said in a trembling voice, "I'm sorry Draco.  I'm sorry for everything.  I'm sorry for all the insults, all the times we fought.  I'm sorry for cursing you in sixth year, I didn't know what that spell did.  I'm sorry for what you went through, and for thinking that you were raised prim and proper and perfect.  I'm sorry you won't accept my apology just yet.  And I'm sorry that you still hate me".  

And with that he turned, and left the Manor, not bothering to wait for a reply.

When Draco heard the front door close, only then did he realize that Potter had gone.  Left him, like all his other friends had, because he had told them to.  God he was filled with so much hate that his heart wanted to burst.  He knew he needed to channel it, but how.  It sounded like Potter was sad when he spoke those last words, but didn't he, Draco, also have the right to be sad.  Fuck!!  He knew he had to get Potter to come back, but not today.  He would think on that later.

Regret.  Potter felt regret.  He was sorry for everything.  And he had no qualms about saying that out loud, so exactly how humble was Potter.  How wrong had he been about the golden boy, and what the hell did he mean then about his name being important to him, but only in a different way.  It seems there was going to be a lot to learn.

Draco knew he really was sorry, and that's what made it so difficult to accept.  He had been an utter prick to Potter, hurling insults and taking points away whenever the opportunity presented itself.  Awarding him detention for doing nothing wrong, messing with his friends.  Why then didn't his apology make sense.  Shouldn't he hate him back.  

He was an enigma, it seemed.  He didn't even get angry when Draco had insulted him, or shouted at him.  Christ, had Potter gone soft.  He used to love the glare Potter would give him after being insulted, the way his nostrils would flare in anger, how his breathing became harsh, it was a turn on for him, because if he hasn't said it before, he loved the attention he got from him.  He had a crush on him, and all this time he had been trying to forget that fact.

But Potter was here, in his life, bringing all those feelings back, and he hated him for it even more.