On The Wings of A Dragon

15. Anger

The more Harry told the truth, the more Draco would cry and become angry.  How had their world missed this.  Why didn't Dumbledore do anything about it?  Surely he must have known what was going on.  Did Severus know, and if he did, why didn't he help Harry.  And worst of all, why the hell hadn't his friends done anything to help.  And Harry kept talking, and Draco's tears were flowing down his cheeks, because why.

When the conversation turned to Voldemort and how he had to walk to his death during the war, Draco had so many questions.  But with those came new tears, and his face was horribly messed up by the time that Harry was done talking.  Refilling their glasses, slight touches on a shoulder of reassurance that we are going to be okay.  Nothing like that will ever happen again.  When Harry told Draco that he did indeed die, Draco was blown away.  He sat there in silence, trying to make sense of it all.

"So, when I saw you in Hagrid's arms - you were dead?", asked Draco.

"No.  I did die, but I came back.  Your mother came to me and clutched at my heart as if she was calling me back", he replied.

Silent tears were running down Draco's face and he couldn't stop them even if he tried to.  The whole world had turned their back on Harry, and he had accepted it.  Done as he was told.  

"But now is not the time to mourn.  Now is the time to live Draco.  We need to live for each other, and make our own happiness.  We need to make sure that the world knows this and accepts it", he said with finality.  

He looked at Draco, who was beautiful in his sadness, and wished that he could hold him, but perhaps there would be time for that later.

"Why aren't you angry Harry?", he whispered.  Wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, he wanted to know.  He was so sure that Harry had loved his fame because that is what he had been told.  Always wanting to be the hero, always wanting the attention.  It seemed that he had been wrong.  Their whole world had been wrong.  Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Harry looked into his red rimmed eyes, and thought about his reply before giving it.

"What's the point in being angry Draco.  All it will do is cause me bitterness, and I've had enough of that.  There was a time in my life that I just wanted to walk away from it all, especially after Voldemort hit me with the killing curse that night.  I wanted to walk away, and let the rest of the world deal with him, because of the anger I felt.  I wanted to stay in the afterlife, and move on.  I had to (almost) die twice, and nobody knew, and the best part is, even if they did know, they wouldn't have done anything to help.  Except my friends and The Order.  By that time, the anger was growing inside of me, but it made me an ugly version of myself, and I didn't want to be ugly".

"When your trial came up, I recalled the look on your face just after Voldemort had died, and it broke my heart.  You looked so glad that it was over, as I'm sure you were.  That's when I decided to start fresh, and perhaps try and make amends.  Hoping you would say yes to my offer of friendship.  And that is part of what took some of my anger away.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life being hateful and seek revenge.  That isn't living Draco, and I want to live", he finished.

"Because you've spent enough time dying Harry, haven't you", said Draco.  

Harry nodded with pursed lips, and drank from his glass, his mouth a bit dry from all the talking.

Draco had moved to the carpet to sit next to Harry, and when their shoulders touched, he felt a sudden warmth.  He never wanted to get up.  He faced Harry and looked at him all the time while he was talking, and in some instances his mouth would go dry, and he would remember to take a sip of wine.  When Harry would use his hands, or run them through his hair, he would just look entranced at the closeness of them, and he loved it.  

But the anger.  The anger is what he wanted to hold onto for now, because he had every right to feel it.  They were children for Merlin's sake!  Caught up in an adult's war.  Where the fuck is the justice in that, so forgive him, but he was allowed to be angry.  And he hadn't even gone through half of what Harry had.  But would him being angry, make Harry not want to be his friend anymore.  He wasn't going to lie to himself, he wanted to embrace his anger, and he would.

"I am going to hold on to my anger, and I will only let it go when I am ready", he said softly.  

Harry felt sad at these words.  He didn't want anyone to feel angry on his behalf and because of what he had gone through, but he understood where Draco was coming from.  "All right", he said.

"You can be angry if you want, but don't let it consume you Draco", he replied.  "There are far better things to focus your energy on than anger".

"Like what exactly", he asked.

"Like your magic, for example.  When last did you yield your wand?", asked Harry.

Draco closed his eyes trying to remember.  It had been ages ago, and when the image entered his brain, he gasped out and opened his eyes, only to find Harry looking at him with a dark look in his eyes.  What was going on.  Was Harry disgusted with him.  But when Harry reached out for his hand and held it, he looked down with a blush.  

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Draco.  It was a personal question", said Harry squeezing his hand.

Draco opened his mouth slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by the savior.  His eyes were drawn to that mouth, that beautiful plump mouth, and he wanted to taste it.  But there was no way that he was going to do that.  Not now, or maybe not ever.  He would only do it, if it's what Draco wanted.  And he certainly wasn't going to ask.

"No.  I don't mind the question.  I was trying to remember.  It was during the war.  You and your friends showed up in the Room of Requirement.  That was the last time I held my wand.  When you asked me why I didn't say anything to Bellatrix about....about it being you at the Manor", he answered with a shaky voice.

Harry squeezed his hand again, and said with finality, "If you want to be angry, that's your right.  If you want, I will help you work through it.  Only if you want", he repeated.

Draco sighed, squeezed his hand back and answered, "I would like that Harry".