It's just polyester •byler

Chapter 11: All made up and nowhere to go, welcome to this one man show

December 29th, 1986. Benton, Illinois.

It's when Will walks in the house and closes the door that it actually hits him.

Nick broke up with me

Of course he knew that's what had happened, he was one of the parties involved after all. He'd told him that he deserved someone that could be with him one hundred percent- those were his own words. But it hit him.

Nick broke up with me. We broke up. I'm not with Nick anymore. Nick and I, we're not together.

His first boyfriend, the first guy that made him feel like it was truly ok to be who he was. And it was over. He knew it was for the best. For both of them, it wouldn't be fair, especially with his realisation

Stop thinking about it. You can't think about it.

But he hates how it feels. He hated that it had to end. He hates that he had to realise. But he can't hate Nick for it.

He wanders aimlessly into the kitchen, he opens the fridge. He closes the fridge.

He walks to the couch. He sits. He hears music from El's room, The Cure? Maybe? He hears soft laughter.

He turns on the TV.

He's already prepped for El's reaction. He knows what she'll try. So he'll fake a smile, he'll tell her about the film. He'll tell her she would have enjoyed it and he'll avoid the topic of Mike.

His mind betrays him again for a moment. And he allows himself to think. Think once again about the possibility of saying something to Mike. Thinking over once again, Nick's advice of "Talk to him. I think you'll be surprised"

Stop it. He's with El. You can't do this to her. He's. With. El.

But he still thinks and he still analyses and everything is still weird. He still didn't understand the looks. He still didn't understand why they were distant. Mike has been weird since he had arrived in Benton. From that very first hug, Will realises that Mike had been acting more like the Mike he knew before the upside down. But with that, if he thought about it, he had also been acting like a Mike he didn't know yet. And then, the night after their conversation, that phone call he overheard with Max.

"Can I? ... Finally! As I was saying, if you'd told me that night in the basement or after the arcade I could have been feeling an awful lot better an awful lot quicker ..."

What had they been talking about? What had happened at the arcade? What had made Mike want to call Max first thing the night after he'd come out to Will? Why not Lucas? Or Dustin?

Why did he call someone else when Will was right there? When El was right there?

El.

"He has a girlfriend"

"Does he know that?"

Nick's words come back to him, echoing through his mind. Of course he knew he had a girlfriend. Of course he did... ?

And he's thrown back to summer. He's thrown back to the bubble of El and Mike. He's ignoring the fact that something is clearly off, because all he can think about is the fact that Mike is in El's room, they're talking and they're laughing and they're listening to a song by The Cure.

'Smear this man across the walls
Like strawberries and cream

It's the only way, it's the only way'

The conflicting noise from El's bedroom and the TV is starting to overwhelm him, and he finds it worse than the silence. He switches it off again, The Cure now clearer as the beat carries down the hallway. An overwhelming sense of loneliness flows through him and he stands, following the song, walking to El's room. He doesn't remember telling himself to move, but here he is, walking, getting closer and closer to El's room, to Mike.