The Gardener (Gay)

Chptr. 21

Dave and Jacob were forced into an FBI truck and Ian was put in a separate one.

A masked guard was driving them through the dark city streets somewhere.

"This is bad, this is SO bad! What are we going to do, Jacob?! Everything I've worked so hard for, my job, my reputation, my dignity, everything will go down the drain! I'll be the most hated person in all of planet Earth!" Dave cried hysterically.

"Calm down, Dave. It's not like you actually fucked your real kids." Jacob told him, but he seemed very nervous too.

"But people think I did! Those news spread like wildfire, Jacob, and once everyone hears about this, they'll hunt me and kill me!"

"Stop being dramatic, Dave. I'm trying to think of something."

Dave took a couple of deep breaths. "Strong Dave, strong Dave, just breathe... Okay, I gotta calm down. First things first, I need a lawyer. Do you know any good lawyers?"

"Dave, tell me what lawyer in their right state of mind would want to defend you for fucking your kids?"

"But you're not my kids."

"But like you said, people think we are. We won't find a lawyer that wants to get into any incestuous issues even if they weren't real... Look, I'll get us out of this."

"How?"

"Well... Let's say I'm a bit of a lawyer myself."

"You? A lawyer?"

"Yeah. I studied some law at the University, but then I quit because I thought it would never come in handy."

Dave rolled his eyes. "Great."

"But I'm sure that the few stuff I learned will suffice to win the case. Look, this is what will happen: first, the three of us will go through some DNA and paternity tests, then, while we wait for the results, which will obviously be completely negative, I'll convince the judge that we were just engaging in a harmless sexual activity like everyone does once in a while, and that everything was just a big misunderstanding. And finally, when they confirm that in the test results, we'll be free to go."

"How are you so sure?"

"You just have a little faith and leave it to me, old man. And don't worry about the news, everyone's attention is on Britney Spears' new album at the moment. They'll be too busy to care about your life."

"There's no Britney Spears new album."

"Oh, so you're a fan?"

"Um, no, I just know it because her career is literally dead at this point."

"And so yours will be if you don't shut the hell up."

Dave glared at him. "Well, I'm dying to know how you're going to get us out of this, Mr. Genius. After all, we're in this mess thanks to you."

"Me? You agreed to go along with the roleplay, you fool."

"BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THAT RECEPTIONIST BITCH WOULD BE LISTENING TO US?!"

"Will you shut the fuck up back there?" The masked guard spoke.

"Come and make us, big dude." Jacob replied.

Suddenly, the guard made a sharp turn at an abandoned street, stopped the truck and climbed out. Dave panicked.

"Jacob, what have you done?! He's going to murder us!"

Jacob didn't say anything as the guard opened the back door and climbed inside with them. "You dare defy an FBI authority, piece of fag?"

"We're really sorry, he didn't mean-"