Pick Me Up - Theo Raeken

9- lily - part 1

This fear is intoxicating. I keep getting glimpses of some scenarios. At first I thought they were memories, but when I try to remember them, I can't. My only guess is that they haven't happened yet.

Every day, I dream about stuff, except of Tara of course. But I get these weird predictions. I'm not saying I'm a banshee cause banshees predict death. But each dream I get it really happens. It's starting to scare me and when I wake up I really don't want to remember. Although I need to know to stay alert, right?

I've been trying to remember for a few months now but through all that time I only get tired trying to remember and it doesn't help much. No one knows about it and there's not much into it to help the situation. It's just a prediction about minor details. I don't get death predictions, nothing important. So after a long time I started to stop trying to remember but that started to affect my peace even more.

I feel like my life is very weird and unexplainable. I don't understand any of the things that happen. My whole life has been about the dread doctors and Tara, so what do these daily minor predictions have to do with anything?

And when I don't try to remember I get this uneasy feeling each time something less positive thing has happened to someone I know exactly when it happens. And the thing is that, I'm not even close to these people.

Should I remember and warn them all about their minor daily setbacks? It sounds so ridiculous to me. They should deal with their lives as they always do.

Since the dream predictions began I've started to be less present in the pack meetings they invite me to and in general. I drive around in abandoned areas now hoping my life will get back to normal once these dreams stop. It's kind of ironic how my life is revolved around them. How my news are just about dreams and nightmares. It's definitely something worth keeping a secret for the longest time.

I drive to the woods and go to the lake to toss another white lily, it was her favorite. Lilies were a representation of her, that's why they were her favorite. The were pure and elegant, sweet, innocent, beautiful, full with fresh life and rebirth. Also it was her middle name, but she always wanted to keep that a secret especially after our mother told her what it represented. It was our secret. So each time I buy one white lily and toss it in the lake, as in to rejuvenate all the damage, to give a chance for rebirth, a new start. And that was my secret.

I sit on the bridge and talk to her, about everything mainly and whatever comes to my mind. "You truly were the representation of a lily. I always looked up to you. I had this vision in my mind that we would be a happy family and grow old together. You know how happy I would be if I could at least hallucinate this vision? Even if it would be a big lie, I would be happy to have you around. I'm sorry I cry every time I talk to you. Nothing of what happened- nothing of what I did was my intention. But I bet you know that now since I tell you every detail every time. I just hope you can forgive me, but you're dead, how could I ever be forgiven? I must be shameless to even ask for forgiveness, especially from you. I don't want my excuse to be that I was the victim and that I should not be held accountable. But it's true. God knows what they did to me every time I was unconscious. God knows how they changed me. All I know is that I wasn't myself. I woke up that morning after I was kidnapped and I knew, I knew they did something. The thing is, I did try to run away from them as soon as I saw them because they looked so scary but they had all these superpowers to be where they want to be, they say it's by frequency, for me it all sounds confusing. Nothing makes sense, nothing ever made sense. But would I understand more if I grew up just like the rest of the kids? Would I understand why I'm having these stupid predictions? Will I ever have a prediction about me? Tara, tell me, will I ever be forgiven? You know I wish sometimes your name lily wouldn't be a secret. I don't know what Tara means but I know what Lily means, and I wish everyone could see you like that. Like I see you. It would define you. You would be defined by a flower, not by death. I don't know if you're hearing any of that or if you ever heard me and if I'm totally crazy. I'm afraid.. of everything. I need you, I need my older sister whom I always looked up to, I can't ask you to forgive me, but can we be friends again? I can't have you hate me Tara" that was everything I could get out this time, I got so emotional but I tried to hide it. I miss her, I wish she's listening.

At this point I didn't care about anything I just wanted to be with her, so I stayed there by the lake. It got so dark but I couldn't bring myself to leave, hoping for rebirth. But I was completely hopeless. I stayed that night and slept there like the homeless person I am. My tears had as usual made their appearance and by the time I was asleep and the tears on my cheeks were dry. I don't really wipe my tears anymore knowing more of them are on the way.

I manage to utter "lily" as I was drifting into deep sleep as cry for help from Tara

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To be continued...

We don't know what her middle name is but I found it fitting for this chapter!

Hope y'all liked it <3