Pick Me Up - Theo Raeken

12- what do you say?

I have too much to say, but honestly, people are just not worth it. And they have proven that million of times. So I choose to be alone, because I know how things end. It's really disgusting how people make you feel special and then one day they completely change and leave. I mean, what are you supposed to do then? Follow them? They're plain stupid. Their behavior shows: non worthy. So I won't give my heart to anyone. I won't love anyone. I will be nice, but I won't love. Because I'm Theo Raeken, even the one I love the most rips my heart out, even the one I'm in love with thinks I deserve hell. Not worthy honestly.

There's nothing to do, and I need to stop caring about it. I need to move on with my life and get away from these people. I mean, if I'm not in hell, they bring hell to me. Yes, I've done mistakes but you have to plain stupid to believe I meant any harm and that I'd repeat any of it again. Plain stupid and retarted. So I stay speechless, what do you say to people like that?

How they draw speculations about you and about your next moves based on your past. It just- I don't have anything to say. If you're actually stupid enough to believe it and spread it around- I won't even be here to tolerate your stupidness.

They only love you when they need love and then they send you to hell. I mean I have done horrible mistakes but their behavior is just... way too low. How stupid can you be? Did the dread doctors kidnap you or what? You have no reason to act like this. You should be wiser. You should be mature enough to have an open mind.

How they make this picture of you as the bad guy, throw it at you, and just leave, I mean I try to understand, but it makes no sense. The only conclusion I come in terms with is that they are stupid. Because you're an angel and have proved yourself enough. You did have a pretty good reason for your past. But they don't have any for their behavior and attitude towards you. How spoiled can you be to act like this? How do they see you as a murderer and not the victim? Plain stupid. Plain stupid to the point if I try to explain myself I think I'll die explaining.

I choose to keep the heart I own in peace from this cringe worthy space of environment. They don't deserve a victim who has suffered and need real honest love. That's what I needed but universe thought let's give Theo Raeken the most disgusting behavior from people who pretend to be heroes. I swear, I haven't met more toxic people in my life. I mean, even the dread doctors STUDIED me before choosing me. They can't even give the benefit of the doubt to a VICTIM.

How do you react? What do you say? Nothing will matter to them because they'll turn it against you. So you close yourself and build high walls and silence yourself and decide to disappear. This environment is extremely messed up. I just got rid of my psychopathic tendencies and have gotten my real soul back, and it hasn't been long but surrounding myself with this.. is making me lose my mind. Now imagine just how messed up it is.

How retarted can you be when you choose who you want to give a second chance to? To send a victim to hell? To take everything from a person who just needed love? How self centered are you? To choose and pick as if it's pawns from a damn chess game. It's a shame people see you as heroes cause you're the villains really.

What do you say?

You don't say anything. You feel your head exploding and decide to leave and meet other people at your own level instead while your heart is breaking into million pieces in the hands of the one you love knowing too damn well you have to leave both them and your heart behind.

You can't say anything, you shut down. You learn that even new people will betray you, disappoint you, leave you, lie about their love to you, you'll learn that no one is worth your love, and that you'll be standing alone. And somehow you have to feel complete. With your heart left behind.

So you'll try to find that person in every stranger you'll see, but you know exactly where they are. You just wish you didn't have to, if they only treated you better everything would have been different. You would not be hurt about your heart because you'd know it would be safe in their hands.

But you give them your heart, because your love for them has no boundaries. Maybe they do need your love in order for them to grow up and mature. And maybe alongside with that, you're rotting without it. But you love them, and no matter how angry they make you, no matter how immature they act, you give them your heart willingly. It upsets you, but you can't help it, when someone means that much to you there's two parts in you, one of them wants to give them your all without any regrets and the other one where you hate every single part of it. You love to hate giving them your heart willingly.

You love to hate, you hate to love, indeed there's nothing in between.

There's too much that hurt you, and too much that trigger you and your mind wont stop being worked up for either one of the cases.

And after all; no one will ever know.

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Lmao so Liam/ pack lovers don't attack me but I read a fic that annoyed me so much and I just can't tolerate how they treat Theo so here's this

Hope y'all liked it <3