Pick Me Up - Theo Raeken

multi déjà vu's - part 2

My body is unconscious, but somehow my subconscious knows everything whilst my mind has shut down. There's no oxygen left in my lungs and if I was conscious I'd see my life flashing before my eyes.

I've lost my life in the same place my sister lost hers. Hypothermia is way scarier than anyone can anticipate. But for me, it was hypothermia but for the lungs, if we are allowed to make stuff up. What I feel is many many souls being dragged and drowned with me.

All I see is white, despite all the darkness and I'm either floating or sinking, since the water has already filled my insides I don't much understand what's happening.

Why does this not feel unfamiliar? As if, unfamiliar since you drown and die once but I feel a déjà vu. Once I completely feel that feeling to it's full extent I get flashes of scenarios. A lot of scenarios of me having a different timeline. I am either a sweetheart, in between, or I never recovered from being a psychopath. But in all the timelines I died in the same way, although slightly different. I didn't die in all because of hypothermia, not like it happened this time. But I ended up dying in the lake every single time. Seeing everything so detailed was horrifying. And the amount of timelines I was in yet failed every single one was even more horrifying. I have come to a conclusion that my fate is to die in this lake.

The scenarios keep repeating, and I still don't understand what's the point of it since I don't even know if this is all just a nightmare or whatever. Part of me is thinking that Tara is pulling up new tricks to scar me for life, but the deeper part is saying; this is real.

And that part is confusing, did I really live in all these timelines? Am I seeing all this as a punishment? As in I have failed in every single chance I've gotten? Or is it just other people with the same exactly life description as me. Should I feel guilty? Is it why I've been feeling all these déjà vu's? Yeah, that must be the answer.

It is consequential to have all these déjà vu's if I've been the same one to fail all these chances I've gotten. It is countless of times I've had to kill Tara and end up dying in the lake too before making anything right. It is no wonder she hates me. She must remember everything, every nightmare, every time in hell, every death in there, every death at the lake. Every time I was given another chance she did too, and I killed her in each one of them.

Oh merciless lake, please end me. Please do not let the universe give me another chance. I am the curse. Please give her another chance of a happy life without my existence this time. Please let me die without starting it all over. I'm begging you.

It's too late for help now, I feel death has fallen upon me. Now the horrifying incident has occurred and my heart is skipping all the beats. As I sink I come closer to reach the ground while I'm floating in the lake underneath all the catastrophe that is happening up there. I hear nothing. It's dead silent.

My back reaches the ground with all hopes I'll never get one more chance. I don't know what comes next. I may get one more chance but the scary part is that I won't remember anything, but Tara will remember everything. And honestly, that's what makes my heart stop beating in the first place. I was so frightened to the point I needed my heart to stop.

My body is currently laying down at the bottom of the lake. It's all over now. It's going to stay there for eternity, I doubt there's any animals that will eat up my flesh. It will be so macerated and raw to the point I will be unrecognizable and disgusting.

What a shame it is. It is either my psychopathic acts or my feelings that get me killed. There wasn't one which I make it through, not in a one I smiled, not a one I was loved, not a one I wasn't defined as a murderer, not a one I was able to redeem myself, and Tara knows. What a shame.

A figure in the lake is leading its way to me. But I have no life to look at it, no life to run away from it, no life to fight it, I am just a body, my soul has parted ways. The figure has reached to me, and it keeps staring. It places its hand on my chest where my heart is and I should've felt pressure. It was going to rip my heart out. Tara wanted to rip my heart out. But decided against it. She removes her hand stares at me for the last time and wanders a few steps away.

After that nothing happens. I don't wake up with another chance, I stay there, in the lake where I'm not floating or sinking anymore.

That is the end for Theodore Karl Raeken. By not having his heart ripped out again it indicates he didn't receive a new chance, just like he wished for. But Tara finds a way to kill herself even if her heart has been ripped years ago, to grand Theo's wish. He wished for Tara to get another chance without him, and that's what she did. Theo was a lost soul that just needed love and guidance, but received hate and death instead every single time. Oh how different his life would be if people didn't judge. Oh how less chances he needed to take if he was treated better and loved right. Oh how different. Theo dies one more time, his final death. With that he wishes happiness for Tara. Maybe he did redeem himself after all. And Tara knows, she saw him through all these timelines.

Now Tara won't remember, but he will.

-

Hope y'all liked it <3