Iskripted (GxG | INTERSEX)

𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔬

I've never been fond of attending weddings.

I remember when I was five years old, I am chosen to be a flower girl for my uncle's wedding. I had a major tantrum that forced my parents to let me fend for myself while they attended the ceremony.

At first, I thought it was because I felt uncomfortable wearing a dress when I have in fact, a boy's genitalia.

Later on I realized that it is simply because I hate watching two people promise a forever then have one of them cheat in the long run.

I hate hearing people making promises and then having them to break it afterwards.

While I am standing here at the church's entrance - I feel like throwing up. 

I've never hated weddings more than now.

The guests are all wearing mint green as it is the motif and required color for the wedding.

I am wearing a black suit in contrary. I can feel people's eyes looking at me weirdly because of this. Well, I am not invited in the first place so I can wear whatever I want. Besides, I am here to mourn and not to celebrate.

"Kayo po ba yung wedding singer?" Tanong sakin bigla ng lalaking part ata ng coordinators. I came back to my senses after hearing him.

Tangina. Napagkamalan pa nga na wedding singer dahil sa suot ko.

"No, I am here to ruin the wedding." Sagot ko sa kanya at nginisian. Tila nagulat naman siya sa sagot ko kaya agad siyang humingi ng paumanhin.

Swerte naman ng mga ikakasal kung kakantahan ko sila. Isang tao lang ang pag-aalayan ko ng boses ko. Kaso huli na ang lahat.

"Be Ready! After ng photoshoot sa entourage, mag start na tayo in five minutes!" Narinig kong sigaw ng taong punong abala sa kasal na 'to.

Yung kaninang nararamdaman kong kaba ay bumabalik na naman. I really want to puke. I don't want to be here and yet I am hurting myself even more by slowly counting down the minutes of the ceremony about to take place.

Bakit nga ba ako napunta sa sitwasyong ito? Alam ko namang kasalanan ko ang lahat. I have no right to feel sad nor be in pain. I deserve this. And here I am, watching the consequences of my actions and decisions unfold before my eyes.

The guests settled down on their seats as the sound of the piano started playing.

Everyone's attention is at the double doors of the church, watching as one by one, the entourage started entering.

Then as everyone are on their positions, the doors closed down in anticipation of the entrance of the most important person in this event. The Bride.

I can feel my palms sweating like crazy. Hindi rin ako makahinga. I want to bolt out of this room and spare myself from the agony. But the urge to see her for one last time is stronger than any emotions that I am feeling right now.

This one last chance to take a glimpse of her smile, her captivating eyes and her breathtaking beauty.

Dahan dahang bumukas ulit ang pinto. Everyone stood up to see the loveliest woman I know.

I remained seated, while I am looking at the woman who just entered with the most love that I can offer in this lifetime.

I caught my breath when I was able to stare at her whole appearance. She is indeed the epitome of beauty for me. The make-up artists did really well to highlight all of her most important features. Her usual straight hair is now styled with curls to match with her wedding dress.

She is wearing a veil so I cannot fully see her eyes. I bet she is happy. She has to be. It is her wedding day after all.

She started slowly walking at the altar, capturing everyone's attention to her and ONLY HER.

Same way I always have ever since I met her.

I can feel my eyes starting to tear up as I realize that this will be the last time that I will be able to see her. An hour later, she will no longer be the woman that was once mine. She will belong to another man and I have no right to love her anymore.

Hinahayaan ko lang magsipatakan ang mga luha sa mata ko with a bitter smile on my face.

Tangina. Ang Sakit.

I've dreamt of having her as my wife, but now that dream is going to be fulfilled by another man.

I was ready to turn my back when suddenly she turned her head at my direction, causing for our eyes to meet.

I can see she was shocked but tried to hide it using her usual cold stare.

I forced a smile to her but she wasn't looking already. She continued walking down the aisle and I watched her take her groom's hand as they faced the altar.

'Deserve ko 'to.'  This is what I keep telling myself.

Hindi na ako nagtagal pa kaya naman bago pa ako tuluyang madurog sa Vows nila ay napagdesisyunan kong lisanin ang lugar na 'yon at kalimutan siya.

I promised her that I will always choose her happiness. And if marrying another person will make her happy, I will support her even if it breaks me.

Maybe this is the end of our story.