The matters of a spark

Chapter 10

Throughout the rest of the night he kept dismissing the previous thoughts that started running through his mind. Shaking his helm at the very notion that the bond his spark was forming was anything more than platonic. As if that would erase whatever he was feeling.

Like a close friendship..... A really close friendship.... Damn it.

Who was he kidding? Himself?

As much as he could mull over the idea. Was he even allowed to experience such a relationship with you? Not even taking into the fact that you both were not even of the same species or even from the same planet on top of that; But that the fact that he has been at war for so long. Longer than your entire lifespan and then some.

Could a war hardened hero who is still fighting in this seemingly endless battle be allowed to have a chance at such a raw and intimate relationship?

Wheeljack found himself stairing at his servos. Examining the scars and feeling the phantom stickiness of their lifeblood.

Could he do it?

After fighting for so long. Bloodying his servos with the energon of so many and stained of all the friends that he lost. It made it hard for him to try again to form any kind of relationship and ended up shutting himself off from making any new bonds.  As he would say alone is usually a lot less complicated.

Less complicated for his spark in the end. So he wouldn't feel that familiar pain every time he would watch one of his friends and brothers in arms die right in front of his own optics. Watching helplessly over and again. With that he clenched his fists tightly and looked back at your peaceful sleeping form cuddled up against him.

It scared him when he noticed he started to bond with you. That wasn't his intent. At least at first. But he didn't realize just how bad he missed that connection. To be so close to someone. Sure there was bulkhead. But he tended to keep even him at arms length away. He was too scared to get hurt. After all he recently lost a fellow wrecker.

Every time his spark pulled to you it would startle him and he would try to withdraw a bit.  Only for it to pull to you again even harder.

It was like his spark was fighting against him. A personal game of tug of war with his mind and spark. And in the end of either one winning he would still lose the game.

He yearned to be closer to you. To get to know you better. Regardless of how you both would end up. Getting caught up in your species allure. How despite being a more fragile being you had bravery and such a liveliness. How you wouldn't hesitate to put yourself in harms way to protect him.

But he felt like if he let his spark take control he might ruin the great relationship you both were starting to have. Getting carried away and pushing too far. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

He always had a habit of leaving before anything got serious but he made you a promise. One he intended to keep.

He might break his own spark if he left.  Knowing how bad it would hurt you. Someone who already lost so much. Or worse if you end up being the one that decided to leave.

So he decided.  He won't give in. No matter how tempting.

~

Eventually as he started to land you roused from your deep sleep with a yawn.

You blinked up at him through heavy lidded eyes. At first you looked a little confused. He could see you mentally connecting the dots and remember where you were and how you got there. Your brows pinching together in a thoughtful look.

"Morning sunshine. Sleep well?"

You rubbed your eyes a bit to wipe away the sleepyness and gave a silent nod.