My Forever and Always (The Phantom of The Opera)

Chapter 18

Erik's POV

The night had drawn colder but nothing felt colder than my heart. My heart froze when Clarissa looked at me with her coldest gaze. She had hit me on the forehead with her shoe but the pain was pale, paler in comparison to the way I felt now. It was a gaze that hurt me much more than the cruel words of my own mother or the lashes that had scarred my body. I looked into her eyes but couldn't find the affection she felt for me, I didn't see the brightness that would always greet me. My vision was red when I saw Clarissa picking up Robert and laying on his chest, looking for any sign of life. She was so careful and gentle with him, and sighed pleasantly when she knew he was not harmed. Looking at the way she cradled him, I only wished I could have completely sucked the breath out of that man.

While she dragged me back through the tunnels, she didn't speak a word. Her face was blank and her touch was rough. I grabbed on to her hand tightly, to let that warmth seep in to me, but she didn't squeeze back like she always did. This time, she held my hand like a dead weight. Every single action from her showed me hatred and contempt. I couldn't bear it.

We stood in silence in front of my organ. She looked away at a burning candle with her back against me. The heavy silence broke when she spoke.

"Why, I thought you were better. I thought you were kindest and the warmest person I could ever meet. Every moment I spent with you, I felt comfort and warmth. I had faith in you Erik. I adored you. You took that away from me. You broke my heart. Why."

The way she talked about me, made my heart soar. Yet the last sentence she spoke stabbed my heart like a knife. No, this can't be. I haven't lost her yet, I never will. She is my angel and my nirvana. She came through time and space and met me, if there's one thing I can ever regret in my life more than my filthy existence, it will be losing her.

"Clarissa, you shouldn't feel that way. I didn't-"

"Why."

She turned back to face me and it made my heart drop. Her face was flushed red, stained with tears and fresh tears kept rolling down. Yet her mouth was a thin line, stiff with anger and turmoil.

"My world came tumbling and everything that I knew and believed was erased. I was thrown into a time and world where I knew nothing and had no one. But every time I held your hand, I felt safe. You were always there to pull me up when I tripped, to pat my back when I failed, to lift me up when I dreamed. Then WHY"

Her voice grew louder at the last word.

"I did everything I could to put a smile on your face. When I first saw you without that mask, I saw a handsome and kind young man with the prettiest eyes. I then made it my mission to give you a life of happiness and warmth. With no connections or even a hint, I dived in that world alone in hopes that I could do something that would pull you out of your darkness. A man who would be known and praised for his gifts, a man who would be looked up by this world, a man who will know joy, happiness, warmth and have a home. I did everything for you. Yet today the man I see in front of me-" She sneered.

"The man I see now is a murderer. A man with nothing but darkness inside. A man so corrupt wit darkness that he would only wallow with himself and not think of others."

"Clarissa how can you say that?" I felt tears running down my own face.

"I mean every word I say. I'm ashamed and I'm disappointed. You are selfish. You don't seek the light, you engulf it with your darkness. You bring nothing but harm and danger because your own twisted mind makes everyone a villain. You don't do anything to help your own situation, but blame the whole world for it. You don't respect anyone else. Everyone is a mere pawn who will play a role in your grand scheme. If you would even respect me as a person, you would care about what I feel. You would respect Robert for who he is and not try to take an innocent life. You are so used to seeing everyone from a pedestal, from that raft above the stage. You have a god complex and you really believe that you control every person on that stage like a puppet on strings. Am I right Erik?"