Red Vs Blue season 5 male oc

The Nesting Theory

Fade in to Grif Alex and Simmons looking straight down

Grif: Yep, that's a hole alright.

Simmons: That's what I told you!

Alex: And it's really deep.

Grif: Huh. And Sarge's body is gone.

Simmons: Right. I think it fell through that hole in to the cavern.

Alex: A big caver.

Grif: Maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life, you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan.

Simmons: Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now.

Alex: Yep your scared of bats Grif.

Grif: Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck. And Alex your way off I am worried they bite me.

Simmons: Shut up and get in the hole Grif!

Grif: You suck, Simmons you to Alex. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago.

Simmons: Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's seven on three. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"

Cut to the battleground that suddenly surrounds the Blues as Tex ruthlessly shoots at them

Church: RETREAT!!!

Will: I don't want to die!

Ava: Shitttt!

Tucker: Aaaaaaahhhh!

Caboose: Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Sister: Who is that?

Tucker: That's Tex.

Ava: You mean that bitch who dated Church.

Tucker: Yessss.

Sister: Whoah, he's a badass.

Caboose: (hit) Ow.

Sister: He's kinda hot.

The Blues take cover behind their base

Tucker: Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl.

Will: A scary sycophantic girl who could tare us limb form limb.

Sister: Oh, sorry. She's a badass. She's kinda hot!

Tucker: She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend.

Ava: I can see why.

Sister: Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?

Church: Are you seriously asking that question right now?

Caboose: Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends.