slow burn; sapnap

twelve

"august."

"yes?"

"you've gotta talk to me. i've been here almost a full 24 hours and you haven't told me a single thing that happened. i can just assume it wasn't good since you're moping around. you're clearly not okay."

and there it was.

the straw to break the camels back.

she wasn't okay, and she hated that she was letting it affect her time with her friend.

just as he had promised, corpse was there to visit. he flew in the day before and was putting up with the episode that august was in. he could read her like a book and new it had something to do with sapnap. it took him finally calling attention to it for it to bring her to overflow everything she had bottled up.

august leaned over to her friend and cried into his chest. corpse, being the comforter he was, quietly told her it would be okay while rubbing her back and pulling her hair out of her face. he knew right now he needed to just be present. he didn't have very much to work with except for the fact that sapnap had left a week ago. it broke his heart to think that she had been hurting like this for a week.

"its really taking a lot for me to not go find and kill this guy." corpse said under his breath.

"thats what sucks. i can't even blame or be mad at him. he didn't do anything. its me." august said into his shirt as she sniffled and tried to become somewhat composed.

"what does that mean?" corpse pushed his long black hair out of it face, trying to make sense of what was happening.

"we had such a good time. it was so much fun. we talked for so long and laughed so much. and then we danced. and he remembered it was my favorite song. corpse, it was everything i've always wanted. i spent months imagining what it would be like to be with him in person and it was everything i could have dreamt of and more. my body just fit so perfect next to his. and then the next day i self sabotaged like i always do and i couldn't get out of my head about everything that happened last year. so i told him how bad he hurt me and then told him to leave and i didn't get to tell him bye of anything."

corpse always gravitated to august in an older brother fashion since they first met. as they got to know each other he knew he wanted to protect her. he had never met someone with such a pure heart and he wanted to ensure no one changed that.

"i think you should call him." he said much to august's surprise.

"really? two seconds ago you said you wanted to kill him."

"and i still do. but you should call him. from the sound of it he is probably just as confused about things right now with how quick you left it off. i know he hurt you, but i think you have to give him a chance to prove himself that he won't again."

august sat at her phone, not wanting to press call, but knew she needed to. nick had been trying to get a hold of her for a week now. he had left texts and voicemails but august didn't have it in her to respond. partially because she knew she wasn't giving him a chance.

before she could force herself to make a decision, her phone alerted her that nick was attempting to call again. she quickly answered, knowing that if she waited much longer that she would never answer.

"hey." she said quietly, not knowing what the appropriate greeting was in this scenario.

"you answered? sorry- that sounds rude, i just wasn't expecting it. i was just planning on leaving another voicemail." nick said, relief coating his words.

"i'm sorry about that."

"no, don't be. i don't blame you. um, i wanna apologize. but like a real one. do you have a minute to talk?"

hadden glanced up to see corpse standing in her door way. he gave a soft smile and nodded in approval of the phone call before heading towards the living room.

"yeah, sure." she felt so awkward.

"i'm sorry. i feel like i'm gonna say it a million times but i mean it just as strongly every time. i let you down. we were building something with trust and i messed it all up. you should have been able to trust me. i've spent the last eight months regretting what i did to us. i got so scared because i knew there was something there, and i've been hurt a lot. it doesn't excuse it, though. and i should have said something sooner. i shouldn't have gave up, because i never stopped thinking about you. you were my best friend and it really sucked losing that. i needed you and i still do, but i messed it up. i really am sorry."

hadden sat quietly, not wanting her voice to betray her and let nick know how desperately she had wanted to hear that for so long.

"i just want you back in my life. i don't know what that looks like. we can figure that out. i just can't lose you again, augy."

"i can't lose you, nick." she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.