Never in a Million Years |N.R|

|10| What was that?

When I woke up the room was flooded with light. After blinking away the remaining sleep I realised that I was cuddled up against Natasha. My breath hitched when I looked down to realise my head was laid against her chest, but I relaxed slightly when I felt our still entwined hands, her softly drawing patterns on the back of mine with her finger. That meant she was awake, and she'd made no effort to push me off or create distance between us.

To avoid any more overthinking I slowly rose to a sit next to her, although I could feel her eyes watching me intently. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that." I turned my head slightly as I spoke, only half eyeing her in an attempt to hide my flushed cheeks.

"No don't be sorry. It's fine." She seemed to mean every word, but that didn't stop me from making a mental note to never do that again. It wasn't right for me to take up her personal space like that, especially after she'd been more than generous in offering to let me sleep here. She must've caught me slipping inside my head as I stared forwards, my eyes blank as I was deep in thought, more so overthinking everything.

"Hey Y/N, you okay?" My eyes snapped to hers when I finally made out the words she was saying.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." She raised her eyebrow as usual but I didn't want to entertain the question any further. I'd already opened up to her more than I'd ever intended, let her see my vulnerable side, and so I felt far too exposed already. So in an effort to stop her interrogation about my feelings I looked down to my hands as they fiddled incessantly with the edge of the cover. I hated being the focus of conversation, I'd much rather just spend life blending into the background where nobody knew of me or even cared. But Natasha seemed to make that impossible everyday.

She caught me in my head again because she swiftly changed topics to grasp my attention before I fell in too deep. "Do you think you're up for training today? And please be honest with me. How are you feeling?"

I hadn't really noticed the dull ache that resonated through every part of me, or the throbbing pain that stabbed at my bruised stomach and ribs. In all honesty, I could really do with a day off but I didn't want to let her down. I'd been through much worse in the past and managed to get the job done, so this was hardly that much of a challenge. "I feel a lot better. I'd like to train, if that's okay."

"Of course. I'll get some clothes out of the wardrobe for you to wear and then we'll head down."

With that she climbed out of the bed and walked over to her wardrobe, only taking a few seconds to pull out some leggings and a T-shirt for me to wear. They were her signature colour, black, which I didn't mind since that was my favourite too. Not that I'd ever had any choice of the colour of what I wore. I got what I was given, but it was nearly always black so by default that had become my favourite to don.

After thanking her for the clothes I disappeared into the bathroom to get changed. Much to my dismay I caught a glimpse of myself in the massive mirror on the wall, freezing at the sight of the bruises still covering my torso. They were disgusting, and they really brought out the scars that littered my skin. How could anybody not look at my body in disgust? For the first time I was grateful that I'd never had access to a mirror before now. Grateful that my appearance had mostly been a mystery to me for all those years.

There was a knock at the bathroom door, followed by a voice. "Y/N you okay?" I coughed before replying. I'd gotten trapped in my thoughts again, except these ones still lingered despite me averting my focus.

"Oh um, sorry. I'll be out in a second." With that I quickly changed, wincing as I switched my top but not slowing in the slightest. Once I was dressed head to toe in the workout clothes I left the bathroom, and Natasha was waiting close to the door when I emerged. I offered her a small smile, trying to reassure her that I was fine although a part of my mind was still occupied with how awful my body looked.