If I Should Die

One

"If I should die. I want you to know. I wouldn't want this any other way." The words repeated inside his head as walked through the large police station. He had dark circles around his eyes, from lack of sleep. The nightmares were getting worse and worse as the days went by. He didn't know how much longer he could handle it all.

He knew he needed help, he just didn't want to go to anyone. A shrink would just ask too many questions and he didn't want that. He just wanted for it all to end. He needed it to end. It was slowly killing him. And if he didn't learn to cope with it, it would kill him.

He made it to his desk in the bullpen. His partner Danny Bull looked over at him. Danny knew just the cliff notes of what happened. He had become his partner after the incident.

"You okay, Wayne?" Danny asked him by his last name.

Dominic Wayne looked up at Danny. Dominic didn't know whether to answer the question or not. He figured Danny would know the answer.
"Fine," Dominic growled.

He wished everyone would stop asking if he was fine. Deep down inside he knew he wasn't okay. His mind was overwhelmed with thoughts and nightmares. Danny thought that working wasn't helping him much. But Dominic insisted on returning to work.

"You sure?" Danny asked. Danny hadn't known Dominic very long. But they were partners now, he just wanted to make sure his partner wasn't going to get himself killed in the field.

"Promise," Dominic told him.

The two needed trust. After what happened, Dominic wasn't sure who to trust anymore. Danny was a good kid. He just had a lot of learning the system to do. Danny had graduated from the Academy two years ago. Still a rookie. But he had a lot of potential. Dominic admired that about the boy.

Dominic had been the same way almost ten years ago. Even being a cop for that long, he was still learning new things every day. He was thankful for all the cops that had helped Dominic get where he was.

Someone quickly placed down a drink carrier. Dominic looked up and saw Detective Kelly Luna. She was a good cop. She was top of her class in the academy. Her grandfather was a firefighter and worked many fires before he passed away in an arson fire five years ago. That's why Kelly became a cop, to find the man responsible for her grandfather's murderer. But she never did succeed.

She had thought about switching from a detective to a hostage negotiator. But decided against it.

"You looked like you could use some coffee," she told Dominic with a laugh.

"You have no idea," he told her and grabbed one of the four coffees.

"Bad night?" she asked. He nodded and didn't say anything. Kelly knew what it was like. Losing a partner was tough. The nightmares haunting you, the face inside your head that never goes away, the never-ending blame for letting them die. Kelly had gotten help and she knew Dominic needed help. "Hey," she told him. "You need someone to talk to, come see me. Doors always open." She smiled at him.
She patted his back and walked away.

He nodded thanks. Dominic figured today would be slow. In the past few weeks, there weren't very many cases or calls. Everyone was slowly getting worried. If one of the major crime bosses was planning something they couldn't let whoever was inside PD know that they know.

They couldn't trust anyone. That was the problem with having dirty cops. Didn't know who you could trust or even know what their next move was, it was either kill you or kill someone else if they found out.

Dominic had a few suspensions on who was on the Milwaukee crime family payroll. It was mostly rookies and some older cops, just looking for a payday.

***

It had been a few hours since Kelly dropped off coffee. Danny was working on paperwork as Dominic had just been sitting there. Helping Danny when needed. If he was going to stay awake he needed more coffee.

He grabbed his gun and badge and got up from his desk. "Going for a coffee run. Want anything?" he asked Danny.

"Sure," Danny told him.

"I'll be back then."

Dominic walked off and started down the stairs of the police station. He walked down a hallway and made his way to the entrance of the station. He waved a hand over at the officer at the desk in charge of letting people in and out.

The officer waved back and Dominic walked out of the station. The nice cool air of Chicago was nice. It was nearing winter and Dominic wanted nothing to do with it. It was going to be harder to work in the snow and cold. But they'd done before.

What would hurt this time?