Red vs Blue recreation male oc

Don't Get Me Started

Sarge: Attention: Blue Team! This is the Red Team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to the sudden and cataclysmic end! We will give you a few moments to suck in the horrors of this announcement! And then return for your reaction. Be right back!

Sarge backs down towards Red Base, where Simmons Alex, South, and Grif are standing.

Sarge: Hehe. Alright, that oughta scare the bejeebus out of them!

Simmons: Actually, sir. Since it's just two of them over there—

Grif: And one of them is an idiot...

Alex: But Caboose is really strong 

Simmons: —I don't really see the point in psychological warfare.

Sarge: You're right, Simmons. It's not really accurate to refer to one person as a team. What's better? Blue People? Blue Men? Bluetonian?

Simmons: What I meant was—

Sarge: Bluetard!

South: Bluetard sounds like a blue berry candy.

Sarge: A Disgusting candy because it is Blue!

Simmons: ...What I meant was, I don't see the point in announcing to him that we're gonna attack. Why don't we just do it?

Sarge: There's an order to this, Simmons. We can't abandon protocol just because we have an advantage! We have to give them a chance to see the errors of there Blue ways! To lay down his arms and meet his fellow men at the table of peace, where we can work together towards a better world. A world that's better, because we poisoned his food at that table, and stabbed him in the eye with a fork. And taken all his stuff.

Simmons: ... Dibs on the computers.

Alex: I'll take wills rifle.

South: I'll take Delta.

Sarge: Noted. Now watch that base. Tell me if anything changes.

Simmons: Yes, sir! And sir?

Sarge: Yes, Simmons?

Simmons: I just wanna say, I'm glad I was here to see you on your day of victory. It's been a long time coming.

Alex: A short lived victory.

Sarge: Yes it has, hasn't it? My skills as a leader have really taken us far. It must've been quite an honor to serve with me. (pause) Ah... okay. Glad we had this talk.

Simmons: [hopeful] Are you glad I'm here too, Sarge?

Sarge: Of course I am.

Simmons: I knew it! I just could—

Sarge: The squad's kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when evaluating sergeants! If you had died, that would've hurt my numbers.

Simmons: (sniffs; walks off) (dejectedly) Glad I could help!

Sarge: It's better to keep a little padding in our stats! That way, if we're far enough ahead, I can stab Grif in the face, and still stay in the lead.

Grif: You know, I'm standing right here.

Alex: We all know.

Sarge: Right where I want you: within face-stabbing range!

A radio sounds.

Sarge: Lopez, how are those vehicle repairs coming?

Lopez: . [Coming? The jeep is destroyed. It can't be fixed.]