i wasn't raised amongst the majority
but i observed them on occasion.
i watched them shaken from their struggles-
difficult and devastating
but consoled by the presence of a pristine perfection-
unseen, but undenied.
i govern my mind with an iron fist-
barriers of cynicism protect my fragile heart.
but as seas of sentimentality seize control,
i only long for a confidant.
i want to fall into arms of omniscience
of someone who sees my current state
but gives me the confirmation of a brighter future.
i want to seek security in eternity.
i want to find peace in permanence
in someone who cannot part from me by death,
or be pushed away by my chronic self destruction.
i want to be accepted in my present form
and forgiven for my past.
it's unjust, but i want to be adored unconditionally.
i want someone who can stand in fortitude amongst the flames i have ignited
and see through the encompassing smoke
my mere desire for warmth.
i want someone who will love me
no matter how much i hate myself.
i believe in propositions of science and statistic.
but i cannot entrust in this unproven theory.
if i do
i fear that i will devote my life to a mirage.
becoming a model of morals
an example of ethics
cannot erase what i have done.
after all, what if i am too far gone
to be redeemed?
