End Of Passion Play - {James Hetfield/Metallica}

Chapter 33 | The Last Chapter

A/N: Alright, this is the last chapter!! It was so much fun writing this story, but writing this part actually made me cry. Maybe get your tissues ready...

March 2007

James' p.o.v

"Alright, now this one…" Blair said into the microphone, taking a minute to catch her breath. Her big brown eyes were glassy under the yellowish stage light. "This one's for my dad, Cliff Burton.".

The audience cheered loudly as she began playing Anesthesia. My little girl, now almost twenty years old, was in her own band. And, she was engaged already; to the drummer of the band. She was growing up fast, but I was so proud of her.

Watching her up there made me think of Sarah. I hadn't seen Sarah for a couple of years, and I thought about her every day. Kirk was still in touch with her, so I knew she was still alive. That was all I knew, though.

But I missed her. I'd had a lot of girlfriends since, but my relationships never lasted very long.

Most of them were just groupies who had no fucking brains whatsoever, and all they really wanted was a fuck. "Oh, James! Oh, James, don't stop! Your wet cock feels so good!" was what most of them said, a ridiculous amount of makeup plastered onto their faces. I often wondered what they were trying to hide under all of that makeup, under all of that fakeness.

No matter how many groupies I fucked, or how many women I got with, there was still a hole that Sarah had left. No woman could make me feel the way that she made me feel.  There was nobody like her, and that was that.

And, yeah, maybe it was pathetic that I hadn't moved on yet. The fact that Kirk and Lars missed her, too (although we didn't talk about her much anymore; pretty much never) didn't make it any easier.

By the end of Anesthesia I was bawling. It brought back so many memories, and being able to see Blair living her life like she'd always wanted to was great. Thankfully I was at the back of the concert hall, in the dark where I could cry. I didn't cry very often, but I did that night.

I composed myself and headed backstage. The security guard didn't even ask me to show him my backstage pass because he knew who I was.

"Heyyy! It's papa Het!" Blair's friend Darell -the lead guitarist for the band- exclaimed.

Blair ran up to me and hugged me tight. "You did so good, hun!" I told her.

"Thanks, dad." she smiled, letting go of me. "I couldn't have done it without your help, though. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.".

"You're the best, papa Het!" her boyfriend, Tyler told me, lighting a joint of weed. I had to laugh a little; he was quite the character. Typical drummer.

Blair sat down beside him and they each took a hit, making the smell of marijuana fill the dimly lit room.

"Hey, want some?" Tyler asked me.

"No, I'm fine. But thanks, anyway." I declined. I took a seat beside Blair, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You guys are going places.".

"Yeah, I hope so." Blair sighed. "You've been an awesome dad to me, but, I just… I just wish Cliff was here to see i, y'know?".

"Me too." I sighed.

"I wish Cliff was here to see it, too." Darell admitted. "I still can't believe that dude was your real father, like, holy shit! Y'know, you got his talent, though, and that's fuckin' rad!".

Blair smiled, chuckling. "Yeah, it is rad." she sighed, her gaze lost somewhere.

Just then, a woman took a step into the backstage room with us. She had silky blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a lanyard around her neck with a backstage pass dangling in front of her big, voluptuous breasts. Her gorgeous eyes met mine, and they went wide with fear.

Her plump lips that I'd kissed so many times parted and she let out a gasp, then turned around. I could hear her footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

I turned to Blair, and a remorseful look crossed her face. "I… invited mom. I asked Kirk to send a ticket for tonight; since you don't come to every show, I didn't know whether you'd be here or not." she sighed. "If I would've known you would've been here, I wouldn't have had her here tonight.".

"Well, I think you knew there'd be a better chance I'd be here than not be here.". An empty feeling began to fill me; the feeling of missing her. It hurt to see her. It hurt because I still loved her. "But it's okay, hun. It's okay." I assured Blair.

"I just wanted her to be here, y'know? I miss her!".

"I know." I sighed. "I miss her, too.".

***

I stepped out into the dark spring night, the stars shining brightly overhead. Sarah was on my mind. I wanted to see her again; ask her why things had to happen the way they did, but I figured she was probably already gone.

I walked stood against the back of the building, lighting a cigarette. Is I took a hit, I looked up at the sky, seeing Orion.

Fucking Orion. I thought as I exhaled the smoke. I dropped my cigarette on the ground and crushed it, emotions welling up inside of me.

I walked around the corner of the building and saw a blonde woman leaning against the brick wall, her black dress riding up her legs.

Sarah.

I kneeled at her side, seeing just how out of it she was. "James," she said, a huge smile on her face and her eyelids half closed. "Oh my god, it's you.".

I pulled her onto my lap. "Sarah, what did you do to yourself?" I asked.

"What do you mean? I'mmmm fiiiiiine.". She giggled and lazily put her hand on my chest. I frantically looked around, wondering what she did to get herself in the state she was in.

A small blue plastic bottle was laying a foot or so away from us, so I picked it up. It was empty, and the label read 'quaaludes'.

"Oh, fuck!" I gasped, dropping the bottle on the pavement. "Babe, you overdosed, I've gotta get you to the hospital!". I stood up, Sarah in my arms, bridal style.

"No!" she cried. "No, please… I… I want this.".

I looked down at her, her huge cleavage heaving up and down with every breath she took. "What?!".

"Jamezzz…" she moaned, her eyelids heavy. "I… I want to dieeeee. Please… let me.".

"No, babe, no! I love you, I can't let you die!".

"Pleeeeease… I… I want to. I can't… live with myself… any longer. I wanna be free. Death… death is… my only way.".

My breath hitched in my throat and tears began to blur my vision. "I-is it really... the only way? Y-you could come back to me, angel. This doesn't have to end this way! I don't wanna say goodbye to you, I love you!".

She stared up at me, becoming heavier as the seconds went by. "I… love you, too… but… I'm not… free. I… need to die… I'm… my own… monster.".

Tears blurred my vision as I realized that I probably wouldn't make it to the hospital in time, anyway. Sarah was so far gone, there was probably no saving her now.

"I don't want you to die." I told her. "But I-I love you, a-and if i-its what you really want…".

"It's what… I really... want." Sarah replied. "It's the… only way… I can be free.".

I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, realizing how much I'd missed the feeling of her kiss.

"Let me die, Jamezzz…" she breathed as our lips separated, her eyes rolling back. "I… love… you. Let… me… be free.".

"I love you, too!" I cried as her eyelids shut for the last time ever.