Touch you | Winrina

17

She stops initiating sex, which means they stop having sex altogether. The fencing tournament – the thing at the fencing tournament – was jarring for Karina, and being intimate with Winter doesn't feel comfortable. It never really did. Too many thoughts swarming around her brain at night, and day, and any waking hour. So, as Karina tells herself, she finally finds the strength to stop. Yet, nothing changes. Karina expected things to change, as much as she hates it when they do. But they don't.

Okay, some things do start to change. But it's not as drastic as she's prepared herself for. Doesn't mean it isn't as terrifying. Winter is – she's not the girl Karina thought her to be. Perhaps, it's due to the fact that Karina never really thought her to be any kind of girl at all. Winter just was. That's something that didn't change. Winter still is. She's still very present, and her presence is putting Karina on edge most of the time, but for different reasons than before, and she doesn't know if it's for better or for worse. It really depends on a day. Karina spent precious hours at night trying to put her finger on what is it that's different now. Intent? Maybe. She's not sure.

When they go a week without having sex, Winter doesn't bring anyone over and she doesn't smash plates against the wall. Instead, she buys DVDs for her and Karina to watch when Karina's done with her homework, which doesn't happen very often. Karina points that out when she eyes the stack, catching unfamiliar tv show names. Winter shrugs.

"There's always winter break." And they leave it at that.

They leave a lot of things 'at that', and, as friendly as Winter has been lately, Karina still feels this coiling in her gut every time she sees the girl around. So, naturally, she tries to see less of her.

Unexpectedly, Winter accommodates her. It's spooky all on its own, but Karina tries not to give it much thought. Winter is, after all, a nice person. Not a somewhat nice person to some people, as Karina thought in the beginning, preferring to focus on good things about people or not focus on them at all. Not just a semi-nice person, either. She's just nice. She's very good with social situations, too; a skill Karina can't exactly claim she has. She senses Karina needs space, and she gives it to her, and there is nothing extraordinary about it. Nothing to lose sleep over. Nothing to have elevated heart rate over, either.

Karina's not too good at following her own advice, apparently.

Except, lately, there isn't much to accommodate. Karina finds herself silently inviting her step sister to spend time with her. She finds herself accepting Winter's verbal invitations, too. Their routine, once jostled by occasional sex, not only settles down – it grows roots, too.

More often than not, Winter falls asleep while binge-watching a show. It's a stretch, though – calling what they do 'binge-watching'. Karina stops after three episodes at most, not having time for more, and if Winter isn't asleep, she either rolls her eyes or whines, but still goes along with it. When she does pass out on the couch, she doesn't have much say in the matter, anyway.

Winter falls asleep and Karina carries her to bed and those are the roots she's talking about. First time it happens, Karina has a hard time deciphering who is more freaked out by it. She's quietly messing her breakfast up in the kitchen when Winter drags herself into the room, eyes darting all over the place.

"Morning. Um." Karina hears her clear her throat. "How did I end up in my room?"

She shouldn't find Winter's knack for asking obvious questions this sweet. "I carried you."

"Oh."

After that, Winter no longer pretends to fight off the sleep when they spend school nights together. And, honestly, if it weren't for Winter going out every weekend and coming back days later smelling like partying and bad decisions, Karina would have been content with the way things were. Maybe. She's not sure. She's not sure of anything anymore, as overdramatic as that sounds.