So many colours in my life

2. Scarlet red of rage

He woke up after a night filled with nightmares. Or were there also memories? Wei Wuxian could not really tell as he was not fazed by them at all. He should have probably been terrified by remembering how Wen Chao had thrown him into the Burial Mounds. However, in his current state, that was just impossible.

He was sure he should have felt enraged. Most people in his position would, they would seek revenge at all costs. Should he also go knocking on Wen Chao's door and demand repayment for the suffering he had gone through? The Burial Mound were not a pleasant place to be trapped in.

He stood up and started walking again. He did not feel bloodthirsty or vengeful. To what end would that serve? He was strong now, even stronger than when he had been able to control spiritual energy. He could go kill Wen Chao whenever he wanted. It was just that he did not see the need, not right now anyway.

He should first go find his siblings. He had to make sure they were alright and see if they were in Lotus Pier. Then, they could tell him if he should go after Wen Chao or not.

Wei Wuxian's mind was currently a mess. Even if he did not want to, he saw that the war was not yet finished. Traces of fights were all around him, it was hard to ignore them. He was still avoiding meeting with people but even from afar, the damage to the villages he was passing by was clear.

People were more scared as Wei Wuxian was approaching Lotus Pier. They looked tired and children were not playing outside. Even as he was passing by, they would scurry away from their work in the fields and go back home. Or crowded in the village and eyed him suspiciously.

It made Wei Wuxian think that perhaps there was something wrong about him. Had he by any chance changed in the Burial Mounds?

No, that was a stupid question. Of course he had changed. If any of those people gathered their courage and came to talk to him, he would definitely not know how to react. Although he was lonely as never before, not even during his time on the streets, he did not seek human companionship. He had spent so long with only spirits around. He had forgotten how to approach people.

Moreover, he had to constate after looking at himself in a random lake, he looked like a fierce corpse. His robes could hardly be called clothes anymore. His hair was an utter mess. And he was still wearing the colours which were similar to the Wen sect ones. He must have looked like a Wen soldier to the villagers.

It did in no way bother him. For that, he would have to actually feel something. However, rationally speaking, his look would make his life hard for him. He could not show up like this in front of Jiang Yanli. It would shock her and cause her grief.

Upon this realization, Wei Wuxian decided that he needed to make himself at least a little presentable. He took off his clothes and washed them in the lake. Then, he got into the water himself and scrubbed his body as well.

When he finished washing up and he had his now dry clothes back on, he looked at his reflection in the water surface once again. He could not tell if he had done a good job, he really did not care all that much. But he was not looking like a walking corpse anymore. That was definitely an improvement.

***

It happened on the third day after getting out of the Burial Mounds. Well, Wei Wuxian had probably been lucky to not have run into any Wen soldier patrol until now. But his luck could not last forever, he supposed. As here they were, on the road just ahead of him.

The soldiers had not noticed him yet and neither did their prisoners. Wei Wuxian had at first wanted to just leave and avoid any confrontation with people, be it local villagers of Wen soldiers. He did not feel up to anything. His only goal had been to get to his siblings.

However, before he could divert his steps from the road, he stopped himself. He saw that one of the prisoners who were being hoarded forward, stumbling and visibly at the end of their forces, was a small girl. She was walking holding her mother's hand. In the other, she had a small doll, probably made of rags. She was clutching onto it for her dear life.

Suddenly, one of the Wen sect soldiers hit the mother's back to make her walk faster. The force was so great that the small girl got yanked along as well. She stumbled and had to catch herself on her mother's skirt. The doll fell from her hand.

The girl immediately noticed and let go of the skirt. She tried to go retrieved her last possession. The Wen soldier however would not have it. He shouted at her vulgarly. It made the girl scared and she stopped trying to get to her doll. Instead, she sticked herself to her mother and sobbed quietly.

This whole scene only happened in less than a minute. No one still noticed Wei Wuxian walking behind the group.

And nobody saw him stopping above the abandoned doll. He looked down at the small toy. Just as he had thought, it was dirty and barely resembled anything. He had a hard time understanding why the girl would cling to it so much. Human emotions were so mysterious and hard to grasp for him right now.

Then again, looking at the doll was still making something in his chest stir. It took him a long time to understand. He was surprised. As right then, he definitely felt something. It was a burning sensation. It was raw and powerful. And he could not ignore it. He could not name it though.

He picked up the doll and gently shook off the dust which accumulated on it. He remembered that he had once also been a child who cherished a single rattle drum more than anything else in the world. He could not quite recall how that felt. Still, he was sure the girl must be devastated to have her toy doll lost in the dust.

On the spur of the moment, Wei Wuxian decided. He could not let the Wens have their way. This was not right. Being so cruel to that small girl, to her mother and surely also to all the other prisoners. He would not stand for it.

It was one thing if Wen Chao had beaten him and threw him into the Burial Mounds. He was a cultivator and he could defend himself. He knew how to bear hardship and how to fight. However, the common people had no way of standing up to the Wen sect army. They were innocent victims of Wen Ruohan's greed and political machinations.

Wei Wuxian suddenly realized what the bubbling and burning emotion was. It was anger. He was angry on behalf of those innocent and defenceless ones. They had no power to protect themselves. But he had. And he had to do something.

With the doll still in his hand, Wei Wuxian started running in the direction where the procession disappeared to. He did not know for sure what he wanted to do. He just had to let that overwhelming anger out.  

I am no expert on colour psychology so I apologize if some of the chapter names will not make sense. If you see a problem, please let me know :)