So many colours in my life

12. Ice-cold blue of ignorance

Wei Wuxian stood up and took a step towards Lan Zhan. For some reason, his heart was starting to beat faster, but he decided to ignore it. He had enough to deal with even without examining closer this strange reaction.

He had to convince Lan Zhan to get out of his face. He had to somehow mislead him into letting go of the interrogation that was surely coming. He could tell, there was a myriad of questions in Lan Zhan's eyes.

However, Wei Wuxian was not ready to answer them. He probably never would be. One wrong word and Lan Zhan would figure everything out. There was no way he was risking Jiang Cheng's sanity and friendship like this.

Moreover, Wei Wuxian was actually fearful of what the Second Jade would do when he learned the truth. The Gusu Lan sect were no fans of demonic cultivation. It would probably lead to Lan Zhan never speaking to him again.

Or, and this was what was making Wei Wuxian afraid the most, he would start hating him. Would he even have to stand against him to subdue the demonic cultivator that Wei Wuxian had now become? Maybe it had been better when Lan Zhan had been ignoring him in the past. That way at least, he would not have to fight him together with half of the cultivation world.

Well, better not to reveal anything at all. Any clue he would give out could potentially lead to his downfall.

Wei Wuxian decided on the spot. Lan Zhan was too smart; he could not let him come closer. And if he was going to be insistent, he would just ignore him. It had almost worked on him personally in the past, granted that he had not given up after a few failed attempts at provoking Lan Zhan. Anyway, despite his cold demeanour, the Second Jade had actually responded to most of his teasing.

Now, Wei Wuxian would reverse their roles. It was to be seen if Lan Zhan could be as persistent as him. Probably not, he would just get tired of chasing after Wei Wuxian and leave him in peace after not too long.

This was the only way, Wei Wuxian saw no other option.

He steeled his heart and finally looked Lan Zhan straight into his golden eyes. He made sure to smile politely and greeted: "Second Young Master Lan."

It tasted weird on his tongue, utterly strange and uncomfortable. However, if he was going to be cold and unapproachable, he could not call Lan Zhan by his birth name anymore. Changing the addressing into a more official one was making something in his heart go completely cold, to the point of freezing over entirely.

Although, it also brough forth memories from his past. Memories of the time when he had studied in the Cloud Recesses and was chasing after the Second Young Master of the Gusu Lan clan. They had kept him going back in the Burial Mounds but they were not needed right now.

This was no good. How was he going to ignore Lan Zhan if he was remembering all the times they had spent together? This was not good enough. He needed something even more distant. Something new that would not make him recall anything.

"Ah, no," he immediately corrected himself, "I should call you Hanguang-Jun now." He bowed a little during the greeting. As he would when meeting someone for the first time. This was fine, after all, he should act like he did not know Lan Zhan at all.

The freezing feeling in his chest was now so strong it was making him shiver involuntarily. It was overwhelming to the point of hurting. However, Wei Wuxian supressed this sensation and buried it deep, where he had sealed his other emotions.

Now, everything would be easy. Now, he could actually look at Lan Zhan again.

No, not Lan Zhan. He scolded himself internally. The Second Jade was no longer 'Lan Zhan' to him. Not even 'Lan Wangji' or anything less formal. He needed to keep himself in check or his sealed off heart would start acting up again. He had to keep calling him only 'Hanguang-Jun' from now on.

Unfortunately, Hanguang-Jun proved to be more stubborn than Wei Wuxian remembered. Or perhaps he had never truly known him all that well. Whatever was the reason, the Second Jade was not deterred by his cold attitude and continued questioning him as if he had not heard anything.

"The person who had hunted down the Wen sect soldiers, was that you?"

Back to evasion then. Wei Wuxian could not let Hanguang-Jun oblige him to reveal anything. They were complete strangers now.

"And what if I was?" he asked, still not willing to outright lie.

At that point, Jiang Cheng once again joined forces with Hanguang-Jun. They were now both questioning his motives. Wei Wuxian changed a glace at the Second Jade. He had known this would not be easy. After all, Lan Zhan was really smart. The best of their generation really.

That did not change anything through. Wei Wuxian quickly reminded himself to keep up his façade and ignore him. Those questions were dangerous, for more than one reason.

In the end, Hanguang-Jun lost his patience and demanded: "Answer!"

Wei Wuxian knew by that point that this was not working. Everything was slowly crumbling away. The ice in his chest was being melted by the worry in Lan Zhan's eyes. How could he forget? Lan Zhan only ever got worried like this for his sake.

Still, he pushed on, there was no other option at this point.

"And if I refuse?"

Upon hearing such a reply, Lan Zhan had apparently had enough. The ever so patient Second Jade was getting agitated.

He took one step closer to Wei Wuxian and invaded his personal space. That was something he would have never done in the past, at least Wei Wuxian could not remember a single instance like that. Even when he had been in pain and his leg had been broken, Lan Zhan had refused to be carried by him.

It seemed like he had truly gotten more persistent than in the past.

Fear suddenly invaded Wei Wuxian's whole being. If Lan Zhan was about to touch him, there was no way he would not notice his lack of spiritual energy. He would then ask for a more thorough check. There was no way he would not find out everything immediately.

Almost subconsciously, Wei Wuxian took a step back. His heart started racing even faster.

He needed to calm down his fear somehow. Luckily, he still carried his flute with him. Over the last moths, it had become a part of him. His only means of protecting himself. He never parted with it ever since creating it. Even though Suibian laid forgotten on the low table, he still had this.

He put his hand forward, shielding himself from the overly agitated and persistent cultivator in front of him.

It calmed him a little bit and he ignored the lingering tentacles of fear when he spoke again: "Lan Zhan, it is not polite to ask so many questions after so long. We have just reunited. It has been months since we have seen each other, back in the cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter. It is not proper to be this ruthless."

So much for trying to avoid questions by ignoring Lan Zhan it seemed. This was not working. This back and forth of avoidance was making everything so hard. Why could Lan Zhan not get a clue and leave him alone?