So many colours in my life

30. Brightest yellow of happiness

"Things change, so how can it be the same?"

That was a good question. Both him and the Second Jade had certainly come a long way from those days spent studying and playing around in the Cloud Recesses. Back then, they had both been young and innocent.

Now, they knew about the horrors of war and they were between the best fighters the allied forces have. Things surely changed. And people did as well.

But, was that a bad thing? Deep down, in the core of their beings, they had stayed the same despite all the adversities.

Lan Zhan was still the pristine white cultivator that Wei Wuxian had first met on the stairs to the Cloud Recesses. With time, he had come to know him a little better, but this definition still applied without a fail. Lan Zhan was Lan Zhan, and that was it. Even the war or being friends with a demonic cultivator could not taint his essence.

As for Wei Wuxian, well, he was doing his best to also stay the same. He had changed, that was for sure, but he was guarding his heart against the resentful energy fiercely. He was still himself, although he did not have a golden core anymore and had to exercise caution when using his invented style of demonic cultivation.

He had a feeling that Lan Zhan knew it too. He had no idea why or how, he just knew.

"Lan Zhan, thank you," he whispered. The words poured right from his heart.

He was not only thanking him for being there with him, for not giving up on him even when he had been trying his best to push him to do just that. He had never left him, no matter what.

It was only now that Wei Wuxian could see it. If he wanted, he could reach out his hand and Lan Zhan would take it without a second thought. Truly, he had always been the best.

He was also expressing his gratitude for Lan Zhan worrying about him. He had after all searched for him just as tirelessly as Jiang Cheng when he had disappeared in the Burial Mounds. And he had been trying to approach him ever since.

Although before, Wei Wuxian had not like his nosiness, now he actually thought that Lan Zhan perhaps did not know how to show his feelings. He should have known better but to be angry with him just because of that. He had after all spent a lot of time by the Second Jade's side, he was aware that the shows of his emotions were very subtle, but all that stronger in revanche.

Wei Wuxian was simply thanking him for all the times he stayed with him.

"For what?" asked Lan Zhan suddenly.

"Ah," Wei Wuxian was embarrassed to say the true reason aloud. He was not hiding his emotions under a lock and key anymore and this was a part of it. Not that he minded all that much, it actually felt good to also be able to be flustered about these small things.

Actually, it did not only feel good, flashed a thought through his mind. It made him happy. So incredibly happy he could danse and cry out of sheer joy.

This was something he was definitely not used to. For sure not in the middle of the war when everything he knew were exhaustion, pain and scorn from others. Lan Zhan was truly a gift send to him from the very heavens. He would never be able to thank him enough.

Wei Wuxian brushed everything off with an excuse though. It was too much to put into simple words.

Still, he had wanted to thank Lan Zhan for this as well, so it was not a lie at all. "Thank you for not telling my Shijie."

There was a moment of comfortable silence. It seemed timeless.

However, it was clear that the question We Wuxian expected was coming. Now that all pleasantries were out of the way, all that was left was the true elephant in the room.

"These tricks harm your body and your temperament."

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath.

"I know," he admitted, suddenly very serious. The nice atmosphere from before was all but gone, but he did not mind. He still wanted Lan Zhan to listen to him. He was hoping that the other would not be driven away by his next words. He hoped he would listen to him.

"But Lan Zhan, what I practice is different from Xue Chonghai's wicked tricks. What I use are crafty tricks."

Wei Wuxian was closely observing Lan Zhan's face. He wanted to spot even the smallest signs of revulsion or rejection.

However, there were none to be seen. The other's face was full of concern and curiosity. He truly was adamant to listen to his explanation.

Wei Wuxian could not keep back a smile. He was truly happy at the moment and all his previous tension was being washed away by the tides of his growing hope. Was it even possible that Lan Zhan would truly listen to him until the end and not judge him? He could tell him everything.

"Crafty tricks?" the Second Jade asked.

Wei Wuxian nodded his head: "That is what I have been learning in a godsforsaken place without a sun for three months." He sighed, fighting back a surge of unwelcomed memories. He did not want to think about the Burial Mounds right now. He could still not even say the name of that place aloud without shivering in fear.

Instead, he focused on the current conversation: "Moreover, I have to thank you for the Gusu Lan sect temperament techniques. My cultivation path requires practicing temperament and talismans." He twirled Chenqing between his fingers, showing it to Lan Zhan. "With a bamboo flute, everything can be controlled."

Wei Wuxian looked at his tool a little closer. Yes, with a flute, everything could be controlled. He just had to first have a good hold of himself. Otherwise, everything would be for naught.

It was not all that hard though. Every time he thought about its name, it reminded him of Lan Zhan. And he would snap from whatever dark place his mind had wandered into. Truly, the Gusu Lan sect techniques were a blessing for him.

As if Lan Zhan could read his mind, he inquired further: "Do crafty tricks rely on spirit?"

Wei Wuxian nodded his head again, even more serious than before.

Yes, that had been the real problem in the beginning. Luckily now, he was able to control everything better. He managed to stabilize his mind. In the end, it had not been so hard, he had his family, his friends and Lan Zhan. They all helped without even realizing it.

Lan Zhan immediately caught the gist of everything. Leave it to him to be just as smart as he was worried about someone like him. It made Wei Wuxian inexplicably happy again. There were still people by his side, people who would listen to him and offer support.

It was good knowing he did not have to fight everything all alone anymore. And perhaps he had never had to. He had just been too stubborn to see it. Now he actually regretted all the times he had avoided Lan Zhan.

"It is very dangerous. If not done carefully, you could fall into true demonic cultivation. The consequences would be unthinkable."

"I know," agreed Wei Wuxian again. It was left unsaid that Lan Zhan was thinking solely about the consequences for him, and not about the possibility he could become a second Wen Ruohan and destroy the cultivation world along with himself.

He truly already knew all of this. These were the first concerns he had had before he had decided to go forward. However, back in the Burial Mounds, it was either certain death or this particular way of demonic cultivation.

In the end, the choice had not been a hard one to make. He had people he wanted to see. He had things he had to protect.