So many colours in my life

17. Honey orange of warmth

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli stood face to face for a long while. They forgot all about the pained groaning of injured cultivators and also about Jiang Cheng. They were just there, the both of them, unmoving.

Afterwards, Jiang Yanli seemed to have finally regained her spirit. She smiled a little apologetically and turned around. Wei Wuxian wanted to stop her. But he understood she had her duties. He had just disturbed her. He should wait until she finished, if she would want to see him then.

However, he watched with little understanding as his sister only turned to one of the other caregivers: "Can you take over for me for a bit?" The woman nodded immediately, shooting Wei Wuxian a look.

Well, what would he expect? He was a shady stranger for her. Of course she would look at him with something akin to suspicion. His clothes were still a mess and his face must have been stern and shell-shocked after seeing his Shijie.

Not quite a picture which would ease people's minds or make them believe him. He was sure he was a mess. On the inside he surely was at that moment, and it usually propagated also outside. That was why Jiang Yanli always knew everything he was thinking and feeling. Just like right now.

She turned back to him, smiling even more. Her eyes were glistering with happy tears, but she did not let them fall. Not yet anyway. She was not a person to break down in public. Only when she all but dragged him into a private room deep in the Unclean Realm's walls, did she finally let herself be properly overwhelmed.

The whole way, Wei Wuxian was letting himself be led around by his hand. There was a curious mixture of fear of having his secret discovered, relief of seeing his sister again and love for his sibling fighting for supremacy in his heart. He was getting overwhelmed.

It had been a long time since he had been in this kind of situation. Even when meeting Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan back in Yiling, he had not been this emotional. The seal he had put onto his heart was slowly but surely being corroded by his interactions with other people.

Back in the Burial Mounds, it had been so easy to not let himself feel anything at all. It had been just him, the omnipresent resentful energy and an occasional fierce corpse. There had been no need for him to interact with anyone. It would have been actually dangerous back then.

As it was right now. But for different reasons.

He should have probably not let Jiang Yanli touch him this casually. There was no telling if she would not suddenly want to check his spiritual energy. The spiritual energy which he no longer had coursing through his meridians. It would have been too bad if he had managed to mislead Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan, just to have Jiang Yanli discover everything.

However, he could not bring himself to take his hand away. His sister looked so happy; he could not soil their reunion with acting weird. It could also cause her to actually discover everything sooner because she would be too worried about him.

Then again, Wei Wuxian found out that he was not even all that willing to let go. He was holding that small and delicate hand back. Clutching onto it for dear life, it was now his only lifeline in the see of emotions which threatened to drown him.

His feelings were fluctuating terribly, making him feel like the world was spinning around him. Everything he had managed to keep down when reuniting with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan was now coming out without him being able to take control.

It was not too bad though. His fear died out soon enough. All that was left were actually pleasant sensations. He felt warm all over, just like when his brother had hugged him.

No, it was even stronger this time. He had finally managed to truly reunite with his family. Or at lest what was left of it.

Neither Jiang Yanli nor Jiang Cheng hated him or slandered him because of his use of resentful energy. Though his sister probably still had to find out about this fact, Wei Wuxian could not bring himself to think she would change her attitude towards him once she did. This was the best thing which happened to him after leaving the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Yanli sat him down at a low table and took a seat right across from him. She never let go of his hand. He felt the warmth emanating from her skin and her smile. It was slowly spreading onto him as well.

He had not known how cold he had been until now. It was only when his whole being was not freezing anymore that he finally noticed. And he never wanted to go back to his previous unfeeling and emotionless self. This was much better, it actually made him feel alive again.

Memories of their time as children surged forward. They had been so close when they had been younger. They had always been doing everything together. When exactly had they drifted apart like this?

No, he was not going to think about something like this. He just wanted to experience more of that familiar warmth. Having a good reunion with his siblings was the most important thing for him right now. The loneliness which had guided his steps when getting out of the Burial Mounds had been nowhere to be found anymore.

Wei Wuxian smiled back at Jiang Yanli. His lips had moved all on their own, he had not had to force himself. His sister had just managed to awaken something inside of him. The seal on his heart was suddenly removed.

It should have terrified him, but it did not. This was the best in reality. Without Jiang Yanli, he would have probably never realized what he had given up.

When he was feeling this warm and calm, he could not even hear the voices of the resentful energy. Perhaps he had been going about this in a wrong way from the very beginning.

It was not that he had to seal away his all of his emotions. A sudden realization tore through him like a hurricane. It was just that the resentment had been feeding on his fears, hate for the Wens and thirst for revenge.

It was those emotions which he should have conquered and made his own. He had not had to make himself completely unfeeling. Just regulating everything and remaining in control while recalling happy memories and emotions was enough. The warmth that his sister had just given him was tethering and grounding him.

At that moment, Wei Wuxian thought that with his family by his side, he would be just fine. Everything would be just fine.