So many colours in my life

25. Smoky grey of confusion

After just a few days, Wei Wuxian was finally sure about the way he could approach this. It had taken him a while and several tries as well. The Yin iron piece that was in his possession was not one to readily bow to any master. Even when it had already been worked with and no longer the fierce force of nature it had once been.

After those few days, Wei Wuxian was finally ready to tell the leaders of the Sunshot campaign about his solution. He wanted to inform them that there was now a way for him to stand up to Wen Ruohan. Everyone had been on edge, this should lift their spirits. Not that he had done it for this exact purpose, but it would help all the same. It had to.

The Sunshot campaign was slowly being driven back by Wen Ruohan's puppets. The cultivators had no way of fighting them effectively and Wei Wuxian could still always control only a few of them at a time. He was trying his best and he was slowly getting better, too slowly though.

The invention he had in mind should help him in this aspect. After the refinement process would be finished, he should be able to take care of the whole Qishan Wen sect army in one go.

Or, that was the theory. The practice was still far from satisfying. Although he could successfully take control of the puppets on a battlefield, it still took too much of a toll on him. He would not last like this.

Not that he personally felt any specific will to live. It was the promise to his siblings which kept him going. That, and his persistence. Once he had started, he found out that he could not abandon his invention half-way.

All of this let to him barging inside a chamber where there was a strategic war meeting currently taking place. He usually skipped those to focus on the Yin Tiger Seal as he had decided to name his new tool.

However, today was the time he would tell everyone so he needed to come to one of the meetings. All the leaders of the Sunshot campaign and well as several other cultivators were already there.

They seemed surprised to see him. And when he told them he would come up with a way to defeat Wen Ruohan in a month, they hardly believed him. No matter. They were not the ones he was doing all of this for.

His eyes wandered towards Lan Zhan almost against his will. For some reason, he actually cared about what the Second Jade would think of his new invention. But he should have probably not expected much. Lan Zhan's face remained unimpressed. So, he still despised Wei Wuxian's new way of cultivation.

Nothing he could do there. Although it was not a pleasant feeling, he could do nothing in this department.

Somewhat annoyed, he quickly turned around and tried to leave. He did not have enough energy to deal with the fool of Jin Zixuan's cousin. That man once again tried to get him worked up. This time, it did not work though. He was too busy and had work to finish.

"Young Master Wei," stopped him suddenly Lan Xichen's voice. "Why did you stop carrying your sword?"

It caught him off guard. No one asked for a reason anymore, they just accepted that he was arrogant enough to not behave like a proper cultivator. Which he was not anymore either, not that they knew anything about this particular piece of information. Why was Lan Xichen suddenly getting back to this question?

Wei Wuxian was thrown off balance. Not literally of course, but his mind faltered. He was tired. Could they not see it? Could the First Jade not leave him alone with his too intrusive questions?

Or, could they actually see right through him and that was why they were back at the start again? He could not tell which of the two options could be worse.

But on the other hand, he was also confused at the same time. Why should Lan Xichen care about him? Because Wei Wuxian would have had to be deaf if he did not hear concern in his voice. He could not be mistaken, Jiang Yanli spoke in the same tone whenever she was worried about him. Perhaps it was some older sibling thing. He did not know.

He decided to ignore his confusion and everything which came with it. He could not stop now, he had to finish the Yin Tiger Seal. He could examine what feelings were being awoken by having someone beside his siblings worry about him later.

Still, he turned around and accorded Lan Xichen the basic curtesy. He should not ignore him, he was still a sect leader after all.

"I am just not in the mood," he replied. It was a weak excuse, he knew. It was however also the only one he had if he did not want to reveal any details. Until now, it worked just fine. There was no reason why Lan Xichen should insist on digging deeper into the topic.

He only registered Lan Xichen's not satisfied and worried expression in the corner of his eye before he turned back around. He did not want to stay here any longer. He could not. Not if he was to stay intact.

His thoughts were a mess as he was still subconsciously trying to figure out why Lan Xichen's question make him feel like this. He was way too confused with everything right now.

So, he run away.

***

Wei Wuxian did not notice that Jiang Cheng was following him at first. He was still lost in his thoughts. He could not come up with any explanation of his unsettling confusion. For now, he wanted dearly to ignore it. And what better way there could be but to bury himself in his experimentation?

He stopped in the middle of the courtyard though when his brother called out to him: "Wei Wuxian, where are you going?"

That was a good question, Wei Wuxian realized. He had not been thinking about his way and somehow, he had found himself back in front of the strategy meeting room. He gave out a sight of relief when he saw that there was no one inside anymore. At least he would not be bothered with any other questions.

He turned around without replying to his brother and walked off. This time, he made sure he picked the right direction of his room.

It was just his luck that a second after telling himself there was no one around, he and Jiang Cheng just happened to run directly into Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen. The two people Wei Wuxian wanted to see the least right now. He was afraid that the older brother would continue with his unanswered interrogation.

And when it came to Lan Zhan, well, he did not even know. He had been avoiding the other ever since they had separated at the Yiling supervisory office. It was only at this moment that Wei Wuxian could name the reason for his discomfort.

Yes, he had been trying to avoid Lan Zhan to the best of his abilities. He was constantly telling himself that the hatred the Second Jade felt towards him was justified and that he did not care.

What however troubled him way more were the few encounters they had.

Lan Zhan had somehow always managed to run into him, no matter where Wei Wuxian had been hiding. And he would stare at him with strange eyes. Wei Wuxian could not decrypt these looks at all. He could not tell what Lan Zhan was feeling when he came closer to him. Sometimes, he thought it was perhaps not just hatred. It made him draw into himself.

He made it a point to always run away. Just like from Lan Xichen earlier.

It was only now that he could tell why he did not wish to see Lan Zhan. The man was making him confused and he did not enjoy that feeling. He did not know what the other was thinking at all. It was really nerve-wracking.

Just like right now. The four of them were standing face to face with each other, exchanging looks. And Wei Wuxian had no idea what was going through the heads of both Twin Jades of Gusu Lan sect.

Just as he had thought. It was extremely uncomfortable. It was confusing to the extreme. And it was making something inside of him stir.

No! He could not let this happen. He did not want his emotions to overwhelm him. This was way too much already.

He knew he was being rude, but if he wanted to conserve the rest of sanity he had, he had to run away again.

And he did.