So many colours in my life

18. Earthy brown of domesticity

Wei Wuxian smiled more tenderly at Jiang Yanli. She had finally let herself cry. He reached up and gently wiped away her tears with his thumb. He had no words to say, he was still too overwhelmed. But his sister was the best. She did not insist on him talking, she only remained there, being his pillar of support.

He was glad that she did not push on finding the reason for his sudden disappearance. Or for his change of attitude. As it was clear she had already noticed, she just watched him with slightly worried eyes.

And the best thing was that she also did not ask anymore about his time away from her side. He was not sure he would ever be able to tell her about all of the horrors of the Burial Mounds. It would be hard to say a word of it to anyone really, but especially to Jiang Yanli. It would make her cry for him all over again.

Luckily, right at this moment, his Shijie knew nothing. She behaved just like all the times he had been away only for a few days and not three months. She was sweet to him and gave him his own space. He could cling to her when he needed but she would never probe when she knew he did not want to share.

All of this felt so familiar.

He truly was back, was he not? He hardly could believe it himself. All this while, he had been trying to get to his siblings. However, he had not had any solid plans revolving about what he would do afterwards. Now, everything was suddenly clear.

Nothing changed between them. He did not have to be afraid of them. They were still his family, even despite everything he had caused. They only had each other now and Wei Wuxian was eternally relieved that his siblings accepted him back.

After a while, both him and Jiang Yanli managed to calm down enough to be able to greet each other properly.

"A-Xian," all but whispered Jiang Yanli. Her voice was a little hoarse from all the crying, her cheeks were red and her eyes swollen. But she had never looked more familiar and loveable to Wei Wuxian. She truly was the best sister he could have ever hoped for.

"You have gotten thinner," she finished her sentence after examining him with a long look.

Of course, leave it to his Shijie to first care about his wellbeing. Wei Wuxian smiled at her and returned the favour: "You too, Shijie. You should take better care of yourself."

Smiling and letting go of his guards was gradually becoming easier and easier. Wei Wuxian was slowly remembering how he had once acted around his siblings. His body relaxed and his smiles were becoming easy-going once again.

He would definitely be able to go back to how things had once been. He had faith that even without a golden core, he could still continue behaving like normally. There was no reason to change anything. He could just pretend like nothing ever happened to him.

At least in front of his siblings and the rest of the world. He himself knew the best that there was no way for him to ever truly recover or stop using resentful energy. He had no choice in this matter. He needed power in order to protect what was most precious to him.

Yes, he had almost forgotten how it felt to care about someone. He had had purposefully avoided thinking about the sweet and warm moments of being with his family. Something inside of him was purring happily at the sensation. It grounded him in the present moment. It made him feel welcomed and at home.

And then, suddenly, there came what Wei Wuxian had been worried about. "Where have you been all this time? What happened to you?" Jiang Yanli could not keep herself from asking after all.

And it was fine. She was not pushing. She was still leaving him space to ignore the question and tell her at a later date.

Despite the question being the same, it felt completely different than when Jiang Cheng had asked. There was no insistency behind it, not even the tiniest bit. Wei Wuxian immediately knew that just like always, his sister was asking out of concern. If he did not want to reply, she would not press on. She truly was good to him, such a treasure.

Instead of answering, Wei Wuxian reached forward and hugged her. He buried his face in her shoulder, much like when he had been younger. Only his body had gotten bigger, nothing else changed.

At first, it was a little awkward since he had forgotten how it should feel. But this unease went away almost immediately. Soon, the warmth was back, even more prominent and gentler than before.

Jiang Yanli was still as steady and welcoming a presence as ever. If he could, he would stay in her embrace for the rest of his life. It was safe and he could hide from everything. His sister would protect him from all the suspicious glances and the harshness of the outside world.

"Shijie," he whispered into her ear, moved to tears yet again "wherever I have been, I am back now."

It was as much a reassurance for her as it was for him. His place was right here, he could stay, he was not being chased away.

And stay he would. It was not only a reassurance; it was solemn promise from his side as well. He was not going to abandon his siblings again. He would stay right here, by their side. They would become a family again. They had lost way too much already, he was not going to allow any harm to befall them. He would protect them, just like in the old days.

"I will not leave you again. I promised that you, Jiang Cheng and me will be together forever." Wei Wuxian voiced his wow again. It sounded more serious when said aloud. More binding and serene. Yes, he would protect them for as long as he could.

He snuggled ever closer to his sister, unwilling to let go. He was all raw on the inside, his emotions and revealed heart had not become accustomed to being out in the open just yet. If his sister would nudge him just a little bit more, he would not be able to keep anything hidden from her.

Leave it to Jiang Yanli to understand right away though. Just as he had known and hoped she would, she did not insist. She only hugged him right back: "Yes, together forever. Do not disappear like that again."

To this, Wei Wuxian did not reply. It went without saying that, after reuniting with his family, he would not leave anymore. Even if someone obliged him to, he would always come back.

Now that he had remembered how great this kind of small familiarity and domesticity could be, he had no intention of ever letting it go. Not as long as Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng were willing to tolerate him. They only had each other, they had to stay together and not yield to the harsh world and the raging war.

He continued hugging his sister. Her gentle smell reminded him of his once home. Although living in Lotus Pier had not been always easy, it had still been the only home he had ever known.

But it was not the place itself which was the most important. After all, the old Lotus Pier was no more; it had been ravaged by the Wen sect soldiers and tainted. The memories remained though. The happy and warm memories of his siblings, his family. They were the home he was talking about.

"Shijie, Jiang Cheng, I am back," he thought and smiled a little into Jiang Yanli's shoulder.