Midnight Meetup

Flashback I

The doorbell rings.

Anastasia is stood with Stefani in the doorway, both staring worriedly at me.

The house smells like cinnamon, or maybe its her, i cant tell.

My mind is spinning, am i drunk?

Im so cold.

Why do my legs ache? Why do i have red marks on my wrists?

My clothes feel heavy.

I feel heavy.

Shes there, shes there in the moment but i don't see her. I just feel her warm skin on mine.

Ana is finally asleep in another room.

Stefani is wiping my eyes, shes brushing my hair out of my face.

My heart is beating in my throat.

She pulls me close, her hand pressing into the nape of my neck. I cling to her tank top.

I want to cry.

My stomach weighs so much, i feel so heavy.

Shes staring into my eyes. Im staring back.

Its so blurry.

I kiss her softly, expecting her to push me away. She pushes herself into me, holding onto my shoulders gently.

"Are you sure?"

Im pulling at her shirt, pulling her on top of me. I feel her hands, hesitant fingers against my skin.

I hold her neck, sitting up into our frequent kisses. Her lips are so soft.

She pulls away to look at me, cradling my face in her hands. She kisses my cheek, holding onto me tightly. Shes shushing me,

Im sobbing.

I remember.

I kick her away from me, pulling my legs to my chest. I want to scream.

I turn my body away from her,

She holds me from behind, wrapping her arms around me loosely.

Her curly hair tickles my neck.

I turn and meet her lips again. Im so disorganised.

She shakes her head, "We cant, i cant do this to you"

Im brushing her comment off, pushing her onto her back, pressing my hands into hers. The duvet feels soft.

I hesitate above her face, trailing her arms.

I pull my shirt off, leaning back down and kissing her again, over and over.

She rolls me onto my back, shes hesitant.

I reach and trail her neck with my fingers.

My eyelids feel heavy. Im so tired. My face sticky with streaks of mascara.

She pulls herself away from me, she picks my shirt up for me. Shes putting it on me.

Her hands are reaching around my back. My bra feels looser. Her fingers tickling at my shoulders.

The comfy warmth of the duvet is wrapped around me.

She kisses my forehead, she runs her hand through my hair.

I reach for her hand, pulling her close to me.

The words roll off my tongue, "Stay with me please".

She stops her hesitation. She slides in front of me,

I rest my head on her chest, hearing her heart thump. She sighs, holding onto my shoulder.

I kiss her collarbone, breathing out deeply.

Shes asking me something, i cant remember.

Stefani.

Repeat the words.

Please.

Please? 

I yawn, "Stefani, i love you".

Pause.

She nods, kissing the top of my head, "I love you too Gracie", she whispers.

That nickname.

Mom?

Where am i?

Am i not at home?

I hold onto her tightly, yawning again. I place my hand across her belly.

My world fades to dark colours.

Nothing.