Downhill

20-Dogs

I woke up cold, I considered for a moment if I may accidentally freeze to death. I smiled softly, forgetting for just a moment. I was confused about why somebody wasn't there next to me. Why he didn't have his arms around me, why he wasn't holding me close. I want to look at him and poke him awake mumbling his name over and over again until it just becomes a sound. I wanted to listen to him complain about wanting to sleep in.

I want to do that everyday for the rest of my life, I want to do that for the rest of eternity until the end of the world. I don't get that choice.

I got out of bed. I looked out of the window. The view wasn't the same anymore. I glanced up at the sky and there they were, the stars. They shined perfectly. It didn't feel the same. There were paparazzi still in front of the palace.

It felt like I was dead. Every ounce of curiosity I had was dead. Every dream I had was crushed. I was just existing.

The least I could do was try. So I got up and got dressed. I decided to wear my favorite outfit of all time, a white button up, dress pants and suspenders. I fixed my hair and stared into the mirror for a second, my eyes still red. I slept but I don't look like it. I am going to be alright today. I put some makeup on, just so I could look perfect.

I go to the dining hall. The chefs made pancakes, at least I have them. I am talking about food. Pancakes are always there for you. I ate them alone, with only the sound of the Youtube video I was watching there to comfort me. It was painfully quiet. I paused the video and turned to one of the guards. "Do you like dogs?"

He turned to me, and gave a small nod. I nodded back, displeased by the boring answer. No excitement. I looked back at the food and poked at it a bit more.

It was just like how it was maybe a week or two ago. I don't know how long it has been, it felt like I have known him my whole life. It was like this before but why do I hate it now? I finished my breakfast and watched as the maid came by. "Can I wash the dish?" I asked her and she looked at me confused.

"Pardon me, your majesty?" She faltered.

"Nevermind...go ahead..." I mumbled looking at my hands. There was no ring, no sign of him on me. I hurried out of the dining hall. I wandered down the hall ignoring the guards that lined it. This palace is filled with people but there is nobody to talk to. I could order them to listen, but that isn't the same. Nobody will choose to listen, and there is nobody to listen to.

I walked over to one of the guards and asked, "Do you like dogs?" This time I got a firm head shake saying no. "Okay thank you," I whispered and walked away. Another boring answer. I hurried down another hall and felt the painting staring at me again. Why do we have so many flipping paintings?

"Do you like dogs?" I asked the paintings. Some nodded, others shook their heads no. They decided they didn't want to talk now that I was the one starting conversations.

I looked down at the staircase that was ahead of me. I sat down on the railing and slid down. It felt like childhood, it felt like not caring. It felt like being with Hector. It felt like not being silenced and scolded by an evil mother.

I laughed as I slid down the railing until I flew off when I got to the bottom. "Ow!" I yelped when I ended up on the floor. I thought I heard a familiar laugh. I thought I saw a familiar person sitting on the floor next to me. I sat up and started laughing. I looked over. "Hector what did you think-"

The sentence died when I realized what I said. There was nobody sitting next to me. I'm alone. That's okay. This is okay. I hurried down another hall ignoring the guards. I don't know where I am going, I don't know what I am doing. I am just trying to find something to do. I spent hours wandering around the palace, looking around, like this isn't where I have spent my life. I opened random doors trying to find things to do.