"Have you seen his girlfriend?"
Those five words struck me. I knew he had a girlfriend. I saw his pictures on social media. But never really thought about it. I stalked him once in a while, and I saw the picture of his girl. But when people talk about it, it makes it so much more real.
I just nodded and put on a neutral face.
But why did my heart wrench?
I thought after all these years I thought I could, well, not forget about him, but... I don't know, just not too attached. I knew I couldn't forget someone you'd already met. But you can make the memory neutral. I just want it to be neutral. Not too good, but not too bad.
It's been five years. And to be honest it's exhausting to keep feeling like this. How to stop wishing, fantasising, and expecting him to actually look at me. To notice. Because I couldn't keep going on like this. I'll break sooner or later.
Do I want to be with him? I don't know. Because I don't really know him. But does that make me not want him to like me back? No. Yes. I don't know. There are too many questions that I don't know the answer to.
I kept dreaming about him these days. I was happy when I remember I dreamt about him. But now, I don't know how to feel. Could I be jealous of someone I barely know? Jealous that I know I could never be like that woman. Jealous that I didn't have the chance even just to get to know him.
Should I even like him in the first place?
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The Loud Silence
RandomYou know the time when you over-think, basically anything in your life? This is my over-thinking writing. Things that are thought of but I wouldn't dare to talk about in real life. Or I'm just afraid to voice it out. Or just too stupid. I would do...
