The Loud Silence

In farewell

Wednesday,23 March 2022 — 11.02 a.m. 

I just met my friend on campus. She had been my friend for the past four years. Well, I don't know if she felt that way too, it's more like me dragging her to where I want to be. Wow, I sound like an arse.

So last month, she was supposed to have her graduation. But she tested positive for Covid. I honestly felt really bad since she had planned so many things for her graduation including us getting a photograph together. But that didn't happen.

At first, I was supposed to give her the graduation gift. I made a book with an embroidered cover for her and a bracelet. But again, since she got covid I couldn't give her my gift. With the addition of her trying to apply for jobs outside of town, I couldn't meet her until today.

I felt so happy to see her in person. She was wearing a blue blouse and jeans. She got a sling bag but as small as a clutch, I never really get the very small bag women use to have. You couldn't bring anything significant inside. She also brought a big white paper bag with a bear print I think. I assumed it was for her degree and other official papers.

We met our other friend at the entrance since we sat just beside the entrance door, and she called out to him. He was helping her to manage her papers to finalise her degree and that she is officially an alumnus. I appreciate him for helping her.

Then we spoke for a minute. Mainly about her. I asked why she got home just for a day and went back outside of town. She said it was because she wanted to say goodbye to the landlady because she was going out of the city. Permanently.

My mind went blank when she said it. She needs to get out of the town because of job hunting. I really hoped the best for her, but the selfish part of me wanted her to stay in the city. So at least we could see each other again.

I guess my ego always gets the best of me when I say goodbye to her. It's so court and detached like it was nothing. But if I did it in any other way, it wouldn't be me. The other reason is if I didn't say goodbye at least it feels like it's not really goodbye.

Feels heavy.

Is this what people say when someone would come into your life for a moment and have a huge impact but their purpose is to leave in the end? The logical side of me said yes. But the emotional part said it's more than that.

It's more than just leaving.