August 22nd 2020 - 11:28 p.m. In Social Anxiety
I went home alone. The others were following my friend to her house. I already offered the girls a place to sleep at my parent's house but they all refused. So, after we ate, we went on our separate ways.
When I reached home my mother was already asleep, and my father was the one who "welcomed" me home. Not many words were exchanged. Like always.
What I never thought to happen was the empty feeling once I had done cleaning myself. The thought that they were there and not here made me rather lonely. Lonely because I knew they were so close, and yet I felt left out.
I was sure that they didn't mean to make me feel this way but I can't help it. It slightly hurt when they refused.
Part of it was my fault. That's what I believed anyway. I pushed them away when they reached. I didn't want to be too close, but now, I can't help but want to feel closer.
Was it wrong to be awkward? I mean, I'm blunt and barely have a filter that's how I communicate. Am I too forward? Am I really that incapable to talk to someone? The more I thought about it the more it made me worthless.
Do they really see me as a friend?
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