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trigger imagery relating to abuse ─────────────────────────
It's taco Tuesday and Henry is home, he's been hiding away in his office all day doing god knows what, we saw him for all of an hour last night when he got home. Ava is up playing in our room, and all I can think about is how I have no freaking idea what I'm doing anymore, I am tired of feeling alone. I can't shake the thought of cerulean eyes and long chestnut hair I want to twirl in my fingers like my daughter did, and it's terrifying.
The weekend was crazy while Henry was gone. I landed five new jobs all with signed contracts for payment, I'm over the moon. When they're all done at the beginning of August, I'll finally be able to afford a two bedroom. Though, I'm hoping it's sooner, I dont think I can brave face for almost five more weeks.
Ava learned a new song on piano for Henry's birthday this weekend. I guess his friend Bodhi talked him into having a party here at the apartment, I can already predict that'll be a disaster. My brother just yelled at Ava for leaving her stuff sprawled across the living room and kitchen. We gotta get outta here. My daughter and I have a bit of nomad in us and aren't exactly the tidiest of people, I mean we aren't gross but our things are always everywhere. Honesty, my daughter has lived out of hampers for most of her life, I know..I know...awful. but she has a wardrobe and toybox now.
I finished up a last minute photo session for this huge family from all over the world that made it together to the big apple. I actually met the woman that booked it on the subway, I've been stepping out of my comfort zones more when I am alone in the city and last week it earned me seven hundred dollars. I know, wtf, but I need to branch out if I'm gunna grow here.
I haven't heard from him since Friday, but he is a busy man and I'm an embarrassed sleep talker. I don't remember anything after Sebastian took Ava upstairs, I was so exhausted and having him around was so calming.
I've been too nervous to text him, I came downstairs Saturday morning to a clean kitchen, and there was a note that read, 'had a blast with you dolls, hope you both sleep well, seb.' What am I supposed to do with that?
I finish plating all of the food, yelling upstair, "it's taco time!" Henry appears in the hallway next to me right away with a smirk.
"I love taco tuesday!"
I nodded, "I know Hen, thats why I started it up again for you."
He pat my arm as Ava comes sprinting toward the stairs. I yell, "slow down, mush!"
She is hopping down the steps at an alarming rate, and about halfway down the steps, those damn clogs catch on the gap between the wood. She barrels forward in a roll down the steps, Henry storms toward her, scooping her after a few bumps against the steps.
