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+ Harlow +
I smile over at my twirling daughter as she shows Sebastian her newest ballet turn. She loves dancing and is quite the natural. Ava is thriving here already, and I feel a pull at my heartstrings knowing this life, here in New York City, will help her far beyond what I dreamed for my daughter.
Ava and I have talked a few times over facetime to Sebastian since returning to the city. Ava is still reflecting on her calling him Dad as we left. She hadn't talked to him about it, but last night she eloquently explained to me why she needed him in her life and what she felt that meant for her.
"I've never had a daddy, not really." She looked down at her hands as they sat folded in her lap. "I just got confused, and he is exactly what I thought would happen when a dad came along for me. I wished for it all the time. I'm sorry, I know it was wrong, but I want a daddy so badly. Not a Corey."
I ache knowing my little girl is right, she deserved more from her father, Ava deserves the world. I'm aware that I can give her many things, and the irrational part of my brain aches for the ability to find her the perfect dad, though I know damn well I already have.
I beam as I watch her spinning with the phone held out in front of her face, her little black ballet slippers gliding across the wooden floor as her puffy magenta dress circles her. She is so smitten with him, and these past five days have shown me just how much this amazing man has given us while being in our lives. She bows as Sebastian claps on the other end of the phone. "That was amazing, Tink!" He praises her as a smile covers my lips.
This first week has been more difficult than I predicted it would, bringing forth that lingering thought of getting attached too quickly to someone who could still very well decide to leave.
"And mommy is cooking meatloaf tonight, homemade mashed potatoes..." she cheerily grins over at me as she wiggles her eyebrows at the phone. I hear Sebastian making yummy sounds with a chuckle on the other end of the phone.
My little tease of a daughter giggles, "it's too bad you won't be here to eat any of it, Sebby. It'll be the yummiest one yet."
"Oh, is that so? I wish I could be there eating it with you, Tinkerbell." He spoke loud enough for me as she nodded and looked at me with hopeful eyes, angling the phone in my direction. I chuckle and lean into the frame, "she's right honey, it's got the makings to be my best work so far."
He groans jokingly as I shrug and get back to editing. He adds a quick, "Ava make sure Mommy writes it down this time."
I pause and turn around in my chair, his teasing tone making me chuckle as I retort, "hey it was one time and I just about have that brownie recipe perfected again!" He won't let me live down that time that I perfected the most amazing cookie dough brownies and forgot to take note as I played with ingredients.
