𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐲

◈ fifty ◈

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Fifty

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entire chapter was written by icryoverfictionalmen , who is officially the co-writer of Pistanthrophobia! Please give her lots of love for writing this chapter :-)

"Sit still Ollie," Vee reminded, mumbling through the comb in her mouth, "You said you wanted a trim, not a buzzcut."

"I'd look hot either way," Ollie sighed blissfully, trying her best to stay from moving in some type of way. It was funny, I don't think I've ever seen the teen completely and utterly still, even now.

"Your patience is impeccable Vee," Charlotte leaned against her palm, watching along with the rest of the group as Vee delicately snipped brunette hair off of Ollie's shoulders.

"Thank you Charlotte." Vee smiled momentarily as Ranboo swept strands of hair from the bathroom floor.

How did we all shove ourselves into a cottage bathroom to simply watch a fidgety teen get her haircut for the first time in over a year? And why was this our source of entertainment for Christmas Eve?

No clue.

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"I'm happy." Alex said simplistically, no context, no thought, just that simple statement.

"I'm glad, but do you want to elaborate?"

"You know whenever we sit here in silence we just think, right?" he started, continuing to lightly braid little sections of my hair,

"Well what thought sprung such a declaration?" I inquired, giggling slightly at his unusual directness. Maybe I thought he wasn't being serious because our usual communication (which might I add has been improving) consisted of more thought-out banters.

"Well just the idea that I'm sitting in a beautiful little cabin, with the people I love, finally spending Christmas in a way so unimaginable yet so bright." he remarked, almost coming to the realization while saying the words. Though that was the most poetic I'd ever seen him, my mind couldn't seem to cross past the idea that he said the word.

Love.

"Love is a big word, I can't believe we only met these guys last year." I awed, astonishment flooding my tone. Despite how devilish the minors could be I truly cared, and I knew I always would.

"I don't think love is a big enough word for those who've brought such a combination of chaos and delight to my life" he gushed, causing my pulse to increase ever so slightly. Did he love me? I contemplated telling him. Now felt like a good time to get it out, then after it'd just flow naturally, right?

"Man, those kids are something else."

Oh.

I tried my best not to make it obvious that my heart had just sank realizing that he wasn't talking about me. God, am I so beyond selfish that I just assume everybody loves me? If my brain's so good at overthinking why can't it think through the fact that I'm not the only person on earth, let alone in Alex's life. Which of course, slightly pained me to take in.

"I think people breeze past how warmhearted you truly are." I tried in an attempt to distract both him and my mind from the sudden mood change.

"It's because I'm such a comedian isn't it?" he smirked, this only increased my fear of how well he could read me. It feels like we're back in square 1, why can't I communicate? What was so different this time from all the other times I faced my fears and just opened up?