Trepidation | Trepidation Trilogy | The Empty World Sequence

Seventeen

This was what people referred to as being newly wed: the feeling of euphoria in the proximity of ones recently acquired spose. Claudia hadn't lost her mind; she had always secretly feared indulging one's sexual appetite constantly would do that. Rather, Claudia discovered these extremly pleasurable flashes of clarity. Sure, orgasms, but she just hadn't been letting go of herself quite enough before, maybe she had only thought she was having orgasms before because she didn't know. Her point was, that the absolutely gorgeous moments of purity of thought didn't detract at all from her mental capacity or intellect, instead they enhanced her awareness, or this was how she saw it.

      Apparently John was experiencing things differently, which was no matter, he was still happy. A bit smug even, when Claudia admitted his idea of submission or sacrifice bringing one to total love was right again. It had to be that she had retained some fear before, and now it was gone, this feeling John liked to name complete love was happening more.

      It was glorious, the flashes of total awareness and then when they melded together or seemed about to be forgotten there were the feelings John called total or complete love, but which Claudia thought felt more like a perfect balance of spirit, mind, and flesh. This state was ideal for thought. It was becoming not unusual for Claudia to say something like, "Oh, John, that feels absolutely lovely, do go on...I think Hannover was wrong. Going to Bremen was inspired. I think the Netherlands next. It should keep us from the crackers a while longer."

      Something had been altered in her mind as soon as Patrick had shouted for her to marry John. The thought had suddenly made sense. Now, she felt like a fool in retrospect. Again, the moment of clarity had come and Claudia had thought: he is intelligent, educated in areas I am not, devoted to me utterly, pure and giving in spirit, and he's absolutely gorgeous, not only do I enjoy his company and desire him greatly, but now logic says I am mad to ever let him go.

      Even David in the back of her head couldn't interrupt. Claudia had to allow that in the future there would be tension and even argument, but now David could never have her entirely to himself. If she had to become David's child-in blood, then she would turn John herself, make him her Vampyric child. She never spoke this to John, but she repeated it sometimes to herself. She meant her vows, even in the next life.

      Claudia liked to look at John's body when he was naked and sleeping. She liked to curl the palm of her hand over one of the bony landmarks of his figure. A hipbone was best, but shoulder blade was just fine, and a shoulder, knee, elbow, ankle or wrist would do. Covering John's bony parts with herself made Claudia feel connected to him and sometimes protective.

      Claudia was having one of those completely perfect moments, lying stretched out and naked on her belly eating a pear and John above her, kissing softly each of her vertebrae. This was now the best pear she ever tasted. "I bet it's Athen's Mother's name."

      John didn't speak, only made a questioning sound and moved to the next vertebrae up, kissed it through her skin.

      "I shouldn't be that simple, but it occurs to me that if the Alexandria computer had a backdoor it would be passworded with the name of Athene's mother." John wasn't going to answer, moved up again, his fingers digging the flesh of her shoulders. "Unfortunately, I do not know her name, but I bet I can find it somewhere...by the way that feels excellent, do tell me if you want me to try it on you. I find recently that the giving parts of lovemaking are very fulfilling and satisfying."

      He'd reached the last vertebrae, was at her neck. "Mother Teresa said that to really love on another properly there must be great sacrifice," John told her. He bit down hard on the flesh at the right side of her neck. It made Claudia's eye roll back into her head. "I think the inverse is true, to sacrifice properly, there must be great love. You fell in love, so now you are into seeing me find pleasure just as I am so into seeing you find pleasure."