The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The Shitti Date ~ Part 1

I slam my hands against Leeland's locker, trapping the whelp between my arms. "What the shit you think you're doing tweeting slanderous shit?" I yell at him.

Leeland, on the other hand, almost pees himself as he jumps from fright. "It's not slander if it's written. It's libel! Libel, I say!"

I grab him by the collar, raising him tomy eye level. "So you know it's bullshit! I should libel your face against the floor right now!"

"Semantics, semantics!" he says while covering his face. "Look, I'm just doing my job!"

"Your job?"

I get a tap on my shoulders. It's Brayden, shoving his cellphone all up in my face. "you might wanna read this."

Another tweet, this time from the Hill Valley Mountain Woods High's Newspaper, with a photo of me, lifting Leeland, taken from behind reading "BREAKING NEWS: Notorious Bad Boy Ayden Gomez THREATENS Local Journalist For Reporting FACTS and LOGIC!"

The fuck? Who even took this photo? "You're a journalist? Fuck off! You ain't shit!"

"It's true! I'm even Twitter verified!" says Leeland.

"he do be verified," says Brayden. "not even i'm verified. i should get verified. how the fuck you dweeb get verified?"

"I'm verified!" says Harry behind Brayden. "I stream on Twitch while painting Warhammer figurines. Not to toot my own horn, but I get at least 1000 subs per month."

"no cap?" says Brayden with puzzlement in his eyes and perspiration on his pits.

"No cap, boss!"

"See, I told you your fingers are magic!" adds Jungkook.

Leeland perks up, taking out his phone in a second. "Oh, we have a niche microcelebrity in our midst! Can I interview you for the Hill Valley Mountains Wood High Gazette?"

I gently, very gently, slam him against the lockers, snapping at him. "Look, you soft bottom. You either retract this shit, or..."

"Or what?" says Leeland. "You're gonna choke me harder, daddy? Too late. I'm already rock hard."

I get another tap on the shoulder, and once again, is Brayden, with his phone on hand. "Lemme guess, I should read this as well?"

"wow, you're a bona fide nostradamus," says Brayden, licking a lollipop in the least heterosexual way possible. Where did he get that lolli from, anyways?

The new tweet reads "DEVELOPING STORY: Noted Hill Valley Mountain Woods Douchebag Ayden Gomez SEXUALLY ASSAULTS LGBTQ+ JOURNALIST On BROAD DAYLIGHT!" with the same picture as before, but with Leeland sporting a very visible erection. Wait, no, this photo was taken much closer than the last one. Much closer. Almost as if the one who took it was right behind me. And the only one behind me is...

"Brayden, you gossipy bitch!" I yell.

"hey, don't diss the grind. i just became an associate journalist for the school's newspaper!"

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"what can i say? i wanna get that dopamine rush of owning that sweet blue checkmark."

I tighten my grip around Leeland's collar, pulling him closer to me. "See what you did? Also, I'm not doing anything remotely sexual. Stop being so sexual!"

Leeland leans towards me, yelling/whispering something with his moist, twinky breath. "Don't worry, daddy. CNC is my kink."

"Gross." I immediately drop him like a mediocre rap album. I don't have time to deal with this. But, yet again, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I don't even speak to Brayden anymore, I just grab the phone and see "Breaking: Popular PREDATOR AYDEN GOMEZ Kink Shames Local Journalist. 'It's Horrible,' says Handsome Bystander."