The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The Maze Of Hungry Divergence ~ Part 2

Okay, Gomez, don't panic. This is merely a dumb YA dystopian plot. Nothing you haven't seen a million times before. I survived the Twilight craze, I can survive this.

So, a Goblet of Fire. Sorry, a Chalice of Flameisnotagobletpleasedontsue. If this is a Hunger Games-type deal, it means people will put forward their names and one will be chosen amongst the color-coded groups. As long as I or anyone else here puts their name down, it should be easy to skip this whole rigmarole.

Another, smaller chalice is placed at the bottom of the podium with clear stones, like ones you can find at the bottom of a fish tank belonging to a pimp. Everyone is quiet as a zebra, and just about as fidgety. The fiery chalice is placed between the rock chalice and the podium. Well, to call it fiery is a little bit...excessive. It seems like somebody poured an ounce of sambuca in it and lit it on fire. Come to think of it, the "chalice" kinda looks like a red solo cup. Did somebody steal this from a beer pong table?

"And now, we shall proceed with the selection ceremony!" yells the dragnpa, raising his staff to the skies. "Come forward and place a rock with your aura on the Chalice of Flameisnotagobletpleasedontsue, if you dare!"

A line forms in front of the rock chalice from members of the different color-coded tribes. They look like the world's grimiest skittle line. I can taste the rainbow, and it tastes like sweat and dickcheese.

I can see that, whenever somebody picks up a rock, it turns into a different color. Well, it beats having to cut your hand and place your blood into some weird rocks, me thinks. The rock then gets tossed into the chalice. Since it's just a red solo cup, it gets filled pretty quickly. A dragonoid attendant grabs the cup and tosses the rocks into a bucket. Why didn't they use the bucket in the first place is beyond my mortal comprehension. Maybe they think a solo red cup is like a human relic, stolen from some war from long ago. Or maybe, just maybe, I don't care.

What I do care is that nobody in our little groups is approaching that skittle orgy. Hayden looks to be as confused as I am. The LB and Trevor the Man-man are just staring intently and the procession. Okayden is also watching every move with the utmost care, except for the few moments when he gets distracted by Brayden pulling at his wings.

My hypothesis seems to be correct. Sort of. And without Okayden putting his name on the Vase of Imminent lawsuit, he's rejecting the bad boy thing to do and skipping all this nonsense. Way to go, Okayden! So proud of you, buddy. I still kinda wanna know what he wants in life after this. I'll ask him when this is all over.

It takes a little over ten minutes for the line to dwindle, and at least six buckets full of pebbles. The chalice long since lost the fire inside, and it's now just a warped, half-broken cup one would find in the yard of a frat house after homecoming.

Where can we go home? It's now like, 1 A.M, and Brayden needs his beauty sleep. He's already getting cranky, even after Hayden gave him an emergency juice box.

Lucky for us, the last pebble has been cast. About 70% of the attendants placed their names forward, to my best estimate. The dragnpa takes the stage once again after a brief pause for suspense.

"And so, the selection has finished!" yells the dragnpa. Several attendants grab the buckets and hold them aloft. "To all of you who have cast your name, according to our ancient traditions... We shall take note of your cowardice, and your failure to step forward in this time of need will be a stain on your family name."

...squeeze me?

The dragnpa raises his cane once again, and the rock on his staff starts to glow. The buckets also glow, not because of some dumb bar trick, but because the rocks start to glow as well. One by one the people start to disappear, as if they were a pringle chip at the bottom of the can and a kid snatches them up with their fingertips.