The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The End ~ Part 4

The gates of infinity open towards me, and all I can see is an unmovable, uncaring universe, and myself, a tiny spec of dust, drifting through it all, kicking and screaming for a meaning for my existence... is some bullshit a more competent story than this would say. But you're not here for deepness, you're here for haha.

But there is not a "haha" to be seen, only "huh?"

Why did Farfallah turn into Lee? What is happening? What is this thing about a choice? What-

Lee/Farfallah snaps her fingers, bringing me out of my stupor. "Hey, I know that look. Stop monologuing, you dingus."

I almost say sorry as a reflex, but you know what? I'm not sorry. I need to process this, dammit!

"Who are you? Or better yet, what are you?" I call to her.

The goddess crosses her legs and rests her head on her hands in an annoyed way, looking down at me. "I'll answer any questions you have, but give me the bottle first."

Ah, yes the damn bottle. I've forgotten about that whole Mcguffin. I raise the bottle between us. "Nuh-hu. Talk first, bottle later. I'm not gonna give away my bargaining chip."

After a brief moment of silence, Lee/Farfallah takes a deep breath and straightens up in her throne. "Fine, if you want to play that game, I'll amuse you for a while."

The right side of her body contorts with a snap of her fingers, changing from the pink-haired goddess to the curly, bespectacled form of Lee Vazquez. "As you might've deduced by now, I was Lee Vazquez this whole time." Her whole body changes, taking the unmistakable form of Lee, in all her icy coldness. "And yes, that means that I, Lee Vazquez, have been the goddess Farfallah this whole time."

Shit. Forget all that about being a spec of dust in an inmutable, uncaring universe. Right now, I'm feeling front and center, as if I'm the center of the galaxy. Why? How? When? I don't even know what to ask.

"However, this has been a lie as well," says the goddess. She shifts back to her goddess form, pink hair flowing in the air as if submerged in water. "My real name is not Farfallah."

"It's not?" I ask, as if that's been the most incredulous thing to happen.

"Of course not, that's just the name of a type of pasta," she says between condescending giggles. "Merely the first thing I thought of at the time. A thing to deceive you."

"Why? Are you Jesus? Oh my God, was Jesus a girl? That would explain a lot. There weren't 12 disciples, but 12 simps. Did Judas sell you out because he was an Incel?"

"I'm not Jesus," says the Goddess.

"Right, Prophet Muhammad. Assalamualaikum."

"I'm not Muhammad, either!"

"...Zarathustra?"

The goddess slaps her face hard enough to leave a red imprint on it. "No, I'm not Zarathustra! Don't even try, you'll not gonna guess it."

"Good, because I ran out of gods," I say. "What even is the point of changing your name if I don't know it in the first place?"

To that, she smiles. Not a cute smile, or a tender smile, but a mocking smile. Why am I shivering all of a sudden? "Well, that's because humans call me by many names. Lady Luck, Destiny, Providence, Nemesis...but I prefer to go by the name of Fortuna, goddess of fate."

Fate? Destiny? That sounds... that sounds like plot! Is she the goddess of plot?

"Yes, I am," she says, seemingly reading my mind. Hey, Lee could read my mind as well! Season 1 flashbacks, for sure. "I'm the goddess of what is, what was, and what will be. Time is a flat circle, and your story has already been written, Ayden Gomez. I am, effectively, the personification of plot."