Still Falling

05 | stare

Finn

*

I was an impulsive asshole. I was sure Parker thought the same, with him sat at the passenger seat, wordless as Miller drove us to the hotel. He didn't need to say it— my actions were loud enough. Sometimes I let my emotions rule over me, giving room for the consuming feeling to take over while I proceeded to ride the high.

I sunk deep into the back seat and rubbed my temple. I needed a drink badly. There was a feeling thrumming through my veins, making my heart beat faster than I would deem comfortable. Was I nervous, or was this just an aftermath of the impulsiveness? I didn't know. I should really call Elliot and let him know I was in New York, on my way to his wedding ceremony. But then she would know I was on my way, and who knew what would happen after.

Why the fuck am I even here? Why am I doing this to myself?

"We're here, sir." Parker's voice snapped me out of my head. I sat up, noting that the car was parked up front.

"Right," I rasped and ran my hand through my hair. I caught him staring at me through the overhead mirror before he got out of the car and pried my door open. "Thank you," I gave a curt nod and walked in. I zeroed in on a friendly looking receptionist as I moved closer to the front desk.

Her eyebrows shot up with a bright smile. "Hi, how may I help you?"

"Uh... I'm here for a wedding. Elliot Larsen and Natalie Castillo. I don't know what floor it is."

"Yes, go right up to the forty-eight floor, by your right."

I nodded. "Thank you."

Parker and I got into the elevator where I caught my reflection on the shiny surface. The unwavering green eyes of a tired man stared back at me, empty of feeling and light. Everything else was in order— my hair, styled to perfection and my suited outfit tailor made to fit me like a glove. But no money or effort could fix what I wanted hidden the most. I cut my eyes away and threw my head back.

"You don't have to worry, you look great," Parker mused from my side. There was faint humor in his voice, like he could read the thoughts in my head. I turned to him. He had a little smirk on his lips. I scoffed.

"It's a good thing one of us thinks that." I remarked cynically, but deep down, I felt a little relieved he thought so. It was taking all of it in me not to go back down and have my ass on a flight to another continent entirely. I had gone this far already, it would be a shame to chicken out now.

The elevator doors parted open to the forty-eight floor and the sound of music. I followed it, taking note of all the security men making rounds around the perimeter. It was a glimpse of what my life had been before the accident, before everything went south. I peeled my eyes off the sight of them and focused on the entrance of the balcony.

The sun had began to set, and it's warm light shone in like a beacon. I stopped at the entrance, stepping aside as a woman weaved her way past me. Something in my chest ached when I saw Elliot and Natalie dancing hand in hand on the dancefloor, with all the guests seated. My hands ached to reach for my phone and take a video of them in a desperate attempt to capture the happiness and contentment on their faces— feelings I might never come to experience myself.

Natalie's eyes moved from Elliot's and wandered to mine. They went wide as she froze and stopped dancing. Elliot turned around and his surprise robbed me of my will to move. All they did was stand there, and slowly, even the attention of those sat began to zero in on me. Low murmurs erupted. At least the music kept going; it was already awkward enough.