I knew it was a game. Damn but a good game it was for as long as it lasted.
"Let me go." I whisper.
He stares at me. His face turning so cold. "Fine." He says letting up on the grip of my arm.
"I'm done playing this game."
...
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There were so many people in this world and my heart settled on a man named Mason Moretti. It was decided long before I had the chance to listen. But in his heart he had no room for a woman like me.
I've spent the night hidden away in my bedroom by the heavy weight of my comforter. The tears staining my pillow case a dense white. My veins swollen and punctured by every marvelous lie that has ever sept its way into my life. My phone rings a continuous boring pattern but I no longer feel like looking at it. Not after what I just saw all over the internet.
Whore. Slut.
Good digger.
I've heard just about every word a woman can be called. I don't deserve it. No one deserves the toxic place that is the internet.
My door handle jiggles and my tears go still. The only thing present in my room is the disgusting smell of sweat. So I know all too well who's outside my bedroom. It takes her a moment to speak though. "Anastasia? Talk to me, please." Cassie's voice is quiet but soul shattering. "I—" I can hear the pause in her voice. "I saw the posts."
If only she knew that's not what I'm crying about. "G— go away, Cassandra. Just go away." It physically hurts my throat to speak but I still managed to do it.
"What else happened?" She begs. "I know you haven't been crying in here for hours about those posts."
I just want it all to stop. The heartache I've endured is too much for my body to withstand. I feel like I'm dying, I'm low on blood and air. I mean— you can't expect me to breathe when he was my oxygen source.
I close my eyes tightly.
Mother.
I want my mother. She would know what to do. She would comfort me, tell me how stupid he was, tell me I was brave for admitting my feelings but somehow I know she wouldn't say any of that. Oddly enough I think she would tell me I hadn't tried very hard. Or that I didn't push him hard enough for a reason why. But I didn't do any of that because all I ever do is walk away. When the pain feels too real I walk away. I forget. I forget. I forget, until forgetting is no longer possible for me to do.
The faint creek of my door opening brings me back to earth. I roll over to my back. My eyes meeting Cassie's. My lip quivers then the tears build on the rim of my eyelids, finally they spill over and I'm shattered all over again.
"He— he didn't feel the same." I choke up. The words dragging my voice back down my throat. "It hurts." I cry.
Her arms flail around me. Holding me so close that I feel the stars building in my sight. "Of course it hurts." She says sadly. "It hurts this much because you liked him more than you would admit. Anastasia, you love him and it's because of the love you feel for him that makes this pain so hauntingly real."
