Alive Again (English Version)

8.Paralyzed

8.

I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me
(NF-Paralyzed)

"Mom, I don't see why you need to be so dramatic." Clarke protested. Her mother turned to Octavia, who was sprinkling with maple syrup her pancakes. As often happened on Sunday morning, the three had found themselves having breakfast at Niylah's, a habit that had been going on for several years now. Raven used to join them too, but since she and Clarke had fought, Abby hadn't seen her anymore.

"Octavia, are you going to explain her or do I have to?"

"Mrs. Griffin, with all due respect, I'd rather stay out of it." the actress stated, cutting off a piece of pancake and bringing it to her mouth.

"Yes mom, listen to Octavia and stay out of it too." Clarke said. Abby glared at her daughter and took a sip of orange juice. Clarke realized she had overreacted and sighed. Sitting at the head of the table, Octavia kept eating, in silence.

"Sorry, Mom.". Abby smiled at her daughter, tenderly.

"It's okay." she reassured her. "It's just... Clarke, three years ago I saw you at your lowest point because of that girl. I don't want to see you suffer again because of her."

"Yes, but we're not dating, Mom. I'm just helping her, that's all." Clarke replied.

"She also told her that the past is past, or something like that. I found it very convincing, an incredible Oscar-worthy performance." Octavia commented. Abby looked at her daughter, shaking her head.

"Honey..."

"Mom, I really think so." Clarke said. "She's with Costia now and it's been a long time, she has kids to look after now and I've changed a lot too. Perhaps I always wanted answers more than she coming back to me." she claimed, bitterness in her voice. Abby and Octavia looked at each other, unconvinced. The actress was well aware of how much Clarke hadn't stopped loving Lexa even for a second in those three years. Even her relationship with Finn had wrecked exactly for that reason. That and the fact that she had found out the singer was having fun with half Hollywood. Octavia had never liked Finn, and when Clarke showed up at her place in tears the night before the wedding, she had had to hold back from going to him and punch him. Yet, somehow, she knew that finding out the truth about Finn had been a relief for her friend. Clarke had never loved Finn. She could never have, even if he had been the perfect man. And Finn wasn't to blame for that.

"Well, I have to go." Abby said, bringing Octavia back to reality. The woman was about to ask the waiter for the bill, but Clarke beckoned her not to worry. Abby got up and hugged her, regardless of whether they were in a public place.

"I love you." she whispered.

"Me too, Mom." Clarke replied. She told Abby goodbye one last time and watched her leave the café. She sighed, leaning against the back of the chair. Octavia stared at her, saying nothing. It wasn't necessary. Clarke took her own wallet out of her bag and threw it on the table. Lies, just lies. Lies to herself, to her mother, to her friends. Lies to Lexa. Yes, it was true, she had desired answers, with all her heart. Still, she would have never preferred them to a Lexa return, she was sure of that. And, aware of that, she paid for breakfast and headed with Octavia to the car.

________________

Lexa looked nervously around. The place she was in was small, but rather welcoming. Although there were not many clients, the actress had still decided to sit at a rather secluded table, in the hope that no one would have paid attention to her. However, the bartender at the counter, a nice-looking guy, had blatantly recognized her, but much to Lexa's surprise he had left her alone and just brought her a menu.