Alive Again (English Version)

23.Let Me Let You Go

23.

Now I got a hand to hold
Don't ever let me, ever let me, ever let you go
(Mega-Let Me Let You Go)

"No, no, stop!". Lexa snorted. Things kept falling that day. She couldn't focus on anything, she didn't even know why. And, as a result, her acting was really bad.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." she apologized.

"Well, try to figure it out soon. At this rate, it will take at least a month to finish shooting everything." Maya Vie, the director, harshly said. Lexa jerked.

"A month? But we..."

"Okay, that's enough, let's take a break!" Becca intervened, before the situation could escalate further. "Lexa, come with me.". The actress didn't reply and obeyed, bowing her head. She was aware that she wasn't doing her best and that wasn't like her, definitely. Becca and her walked for a few minutes, then sat on the ground, regardless of the soil that would have dirtied their pants. The weather was pleasant and some clouds covered the sky.

"I'm glad we decided to film this month, at least it's not too hot." Becca started. Lexa nodded, without speaking. She wasn't in the mood, at all. She took a pebble off the ground and threw it away. She watched it fall back and disappear between the branches of a shrub by the side of the road.

"Lexa, what's up? If you don't feel ready to film, we can..."

"No, I... it's not that, quite the contrary. I couldn't wait to get back to work." the actress said. "It's that... I think lately my head is on the clouds.". Becca ran a hand through her hair. She gently looked at Lexa, inviting her to open up with her.

"It's about the kids, isn't it?" she tried to guess. Lexa sighed. She rubbed her neck, without daring to look the producer in the eye.

"Since they started living with me, I've never left them for so long." she explained. "And then there's Clarke. Before I left we... In short, we confessed what we really feel for each other.". Lexa felt Becca's hand caressing her back. "I can't stop thinking about what happened. Clarke lost everything because of me. She no longer has a job, she will have to sell her house to pay Wallace's penalty fee, she..."

"Lexa, enough." Becca interrupted her. "You can't keep going on like this. You can't feel guilty about everything, it's not fair to either you nor Clarke.". The actress bit her lip, not entirely convinced by the words of the woman sitting next to her.

"I feel this sense of responsibility on me and... Becca, I can't stop wondering what would have happened if I hadn't run away three years ago and faced Titus and Wallace. Clarke wouldn't have suffered so much, her career wouldn't be over and..."

"And maybe the two of you wouldn't be together with the consciousness you have now.". Lexa swallowed. Becca squeezed her hands and smiled at her. The actress slowly breathed in and out, trying to calm down.

"Listen to me, you know I can't give her a job. I talked about it with the rest of the producers, but unfortunately it isn't possible. I know people though, I can ask them."

"Becca, don't..." Lexa tried to say, but the producer gestured her to let her finish.

"What you have to do is learn to leave the past behind. What happened happened, you can't change it. You know, I'm not one of those people who believe in the value of bad things. The bad that happens to us is simply bad and it leads to nothing good. It's us Lexa, it's us who must learn to understand how to overturn our pain into something useful for our lives. Three years ago you ran away, but now you are here. You have another chance, don't throw it away by living in regrets and fear. It's not worth it.". The actress didn't reply, aware that Becca was right. "Well, it's time to get back to work." The producer stood up and helped Lexa do the same. She patted her on the shoulders, chuckling. They walked together to the set, in silence.