I Needed You

memory

"Hey Taylor," Corey smiled at me as I opened the door that led into his bedroom.

"Hi. You said something was up?" I questioned as he came over to me, wrapping his arms around my backside and beginning to sway me.

What I liked about what Corey and I had was that it was easy, we were always smiling and we never argued. And he's cute, so that's just a bonus.

"Yeah," He didn't stop his gentle motions as he spoke, keeping his voice quiet in the case that someone outside his room would overhear us, "Colby and Jake got into a fight, a pretty bad one too,"

"What do you mean? Like they started hitting each other?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing as I stared into his chocolate eyes.

"No. I was there, Tara started something with Colby and Jake went to defend her. But he's gone now. He's moved out," He sighed, letting his head fall into my shoulder as he spoke, "You wouldn't believe what it was about though,"

"What?" I didn't know if I truly wanted to know.

"You. Colby was defending you, and your guy's relationship," Corey's voice was muffled as he buried into my shirt.

"Are you serious?" I couldn't help but chuckle. Colby was still caught up in what happened between the two of us. Besides the baby, I didn't have any other connection or reminder of Colby.

"You know how hard it was to keep my mouth shut when I went to see if he was okay and he was talking about you?" Corey looked at me with a laugh, "I couldn't say anything because nobody knows about this and then here he was, talking about how he missed you and shit,"

I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. For just a millisecond, it felt like Colby's arms around me and not Corey's. It was a temporary reminder of how I felt when Colby used to hold me, how safe I felt in his embrace. Deep down, I missed that.

But I knew there was no way in hell I'd go back to him. And, I felt guilty for having those thoughts at all.

"Are you arlight?" Corey asked, pulling his face away from mine. The swaying motion stopped when I didn't respond.

"I'm sorry," I turned my head away from his, "I'm just so confused with everything,"

"I know," He said with a half smile, "You know, I feel bad about us,"

"What?" I snapped my head up at him, "Why do you think that?"

"Because," He gave a half shrug, "I know you aren't completely over Colby. And then you have feelings for Angelina," Corey trailed off, searching for words that would put his thoughts together.

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't deny what he was saying.

"I'm trying my best," I said quietly, trying not to come off as aggressive, "But it's hard. You are, like, best friends with Colby so when I'm around you-"

"It's a constant reminder of him, I know," He finished for me.

"-and then I have to go home to Angelina who doesn't realize that there are other people in my life besides her. I love her dearly and she's doing the best she can with me, but after a while it gets to be too much for me to handle," I sighed, and just Corey had done to me, I let my head fall into his chest.

He brought one of his hands to my head, holding it to his chest as he walked backwards. Just as I went to speak to ask what he was doing, Corey laid himself down on his bed, taking me down with him.

My feet hung off the edge of the bed, along with Corey's though his were able to touch the ground. We didn't speak, just let the silence fill the room. It was peaceful, and it felt good to do something so simple.

Colby and I never did this, unless we were going to sleep or one of us had a rough day.

If nothing between Colby and I ever went wrong, I wondered what I'd be doing right now. Obviously it would depend on whatever Colby was doing, maybe doing laundry or hanging out with Angelina as friends and not confusing lovers.

Being around Corey made me miss Colby because they were so similar, yet there was something about Colby that pulled me to him.

Maybe it was his bad boy persona that Corey didn't have, or the way he wasn't afraid to be who he was. Or it was something that sprouted from him taking me home, and the month I spent with him was just a lingering feeling of gratefulness that I confused with love.

I hated to admit, even to myself, that I could still love Colby. It was the way he tried to understand me without invading on the details I didn't want to share with him. Or it was how he tried to comfort me but didn't make me speak. All in all, in that relationship I felt in control of myself, and I accomplished so much.

I quit my job, I started a Youtube channel, I went to see my family, I reconnected with Angelina, Mikey and Gray. And it took our alltimely breakup for me to realize who's truly important to me.

And that wasn't Corey, who was half convinced I was with him because of his cute ass dog. Or Angelina, who tried her best to be supportive but just felt like a weight on my back that I couldn't get off. It wasn't Sam trying to diffuse all the trouble with his knowledge, and it wasn't Katrina who befriended me when no one else besides Colby interacted with me.

But what was important to me was my pride. Yeah, it was damaged, but it was still there. What was important to me was me, is me, will always be me. I know I can't trust anyone else with my life, and if I didn't do that I wouldn't be here.

Yeah, a couple tears were shed, two hearts were broken and so was a future we planned in our heads.

Our bond we shared is not gone, or forgotten, but a memory. Everything is just a memory, because once it happens it's already gone.

The kiss Corey and I just shared: a memory. Me waking up from a coma: a memory. Being with Colby: a memory. The last time I saw my dad: a memory. Going to Cerro Gordo: a memory with a bonus since I can rewatch it any time I like. My friendship with Alex: a memory. The Who She music video shooting: a memory. Colby and I meeting, though I can't exactly remember how it all went down: a memory.

All life is, is a memory. And what's important to me is making the best memories because I never know when the day will come that I can't anymore.