I Needed You

32

Taylor's pov

I didn't even care that I was crying on the floor of the hospital and disturbing all of the waiting people, though there weren't many.

I felt hands on my back, words in my ears, simple things I just couldn't process or acknowledge.

My heart was in pain, my body was numb but my mind was racing.

"Let me see him," I sniffed before coughing up more tears, "Please just let me see him,"

I looked up at Doctor Stewart, staring into her light eyes as I waited for an answer.

"I'm going to check on him and then I'll bring y'all back, okay?" She smiled at Sam, and I knew the only reason why she was determined to leave was so I could pull myself together.

And I did, before she even set foot in the hallway I had pulled myself up into my chair, my arms holding onto my body.

There were no words that could comfort me, comfort any of us.  Amanda tried her best, saying that he might have a little while to live and we could possibly talk to him through the Estes Method.

Who knows where his spirit would go, after all he has been to so many places and we weren't even at home in California.   There was a chance that he would simply pass on, not haunting any place at all.

"Let's be strong, okay?" Kat grabbed one of my hands, forcefully but gently pulling it away from my body.  I noticed she was holding onto Sam's with her other, "Colby can hear us when we go in there,"

I wiped my face, being that I was too tired to cry now.  I was exhausted and in pain, I knew I should have slept but I couldn't, not when I knew Colby wasn't doing okay.

We turned our heads as we heard the clicking of Doctor Stewart's shoes as she came back down the hallway.

"Are you ready to go and see him?" She asked, looking around at the five of us individually.

"Yes," Sam's voice didn't sound normal, like it was an echo of his true voice.

We were all hurting, even if I felt like my world was ending right now, Sam's universe was coming to a speedy, large crash.

I let go of Kat's hand as we walked down the hallway, my hands nervously wringing together.

Doctor Stewart opened the door for us, and I noticed that Colby was in a different room now, a smaller one but with more equipment.  

Three other doctors were in the room, watching the monitors and checking his tubes that were going into his arms.

"Oh God Colby," I whispered, my hand going to my mouth before I quickly brought it back down.

He looked asleep, with breathing tubes in his nose and IV's and other things hooked up to his body.

I didn't care if we weren't allowed to get close, I did it anyways.

There were about seven chairs, and I grabbed the closest one to me and dragged it across the floor until I got as close to Colby as possible.

I plopped myself down on the seat and without hesitation I grabbed his hand, running my thumb over his knuckles.

Sam pulled up a seat across from me with Kat and Stas next to him.  Amanda sat beside me, and after all but one of the doctors left the room she finally spoke.

"Guys, as much as I love you I don't know how long I can stay," Amanda told us quietly, her hands folded delicately in her lap.

"I completely understand, Amanda," Sam gave her a half grin, "You've already done so much for us,"

"Well, that's what friends are for," She smiled, not because she was happy but because she was grateful.

I tuned out of their meaningless conversation temporarily.  I didn't want their fake cheeriness to distract me from Colby.

Who knows how long he has left to live.  A day? A week? A month?  Unlikely a month, but I would give damn near anything for it to happen.

Colby didn't deserve this.  He didnt deserve to die, he didn't deserve to be laying unconscious on a stupid ass hospital bed while his brain was slowly killing him, sucking the life out of him with each passing minute.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to his still body, cautiously raising his hand to my lips, "I'm so fucking sorry,"

I didn't want to cry again, but one sniff from my nose announced that tears were on their way.

"Hey," Katrina caught my attention, and I turned my head toward her, "Don't blame yourself.  This isn't anybody's fault,"

"Liar!" I snapped at her, surprising everyone including myself with the outburst, "If we didn't come to this stupid place then none of this would have happened!"

"Taylor that's not true-" Stas tried to intervene but I shut her up with a look and continued.

"If I had fucking listened to what my gut was telling me than I wouldn't have let any of us go down to that basement," I turned my head to face Amanda, who I noticed had scooted her chair away from me.

"We caught whatever he has too late," Sam looked at me, his voice hard and his eyes bloodshot, "No matter what he'd end up like this.  Whether we stayed in LA or came here,"

"He would still be fucking alive.  He could have died peacefully without any of us knowing something was wrong," My voice was cold, something that didn't usually happen when I spoke to Sam.

"He was not peaceful!" His voice rose as his poster stiffened, "He was just too damn stubborn to show you how much pain he was in! You had no fucking clue what happened while you were away and sometimes-"

Sam had cut himself off, pausing in his tracks.

But I wanted to know more.

"Sometimes what?" I tilted my head, my menacing curiosity coming to the surface, "Go on, Big Mouth, speak,"

Silence took over the room as Colby’s blonde friend and I stared at each other.

"Sometimes," He cleared his throat, "I wish he never fucking found you,"

Between the look in his eyes and the words that just left his tongue, I knew he was serious.