I Needed You

15

Once I got discharged from the hospital two days later, Kat took me back to Sam and Colby’s house even though I asked her not to.  She told me it would be good for me to be around more than just one person so I didn’t get used to it.

Instead, I just got used to being alone.

They gave me Jake’s old room.  I didn’t decorate it or add any furniture beside a bed, obviously, a nightstand and a table with one lonely chair.  I didn’t use the chair.

There was no TV, or any carpet.  The bathroom didn’t have any decorations, just some toothpaste and three-in-one shampoo. 

I stopped wearing makeup and I stopped wearing the clothes Alex referred to as “slutty”: crop tops, shorts, jeans with holes, heeled shoes, tank tops, and jewelry.

But she let me keep the necklace, so I left that on.

I know Alex would be proud of me, avoiding Colby as much as possible and doing what she says even though she’s not around.  I think it was a test to put me in the same room as Colby, as if I’d advanced from being in Cerro Gordo and the hospital, so now here I was on level three.

I had to go through withdrawal in the hospital, apparently I didn’t need the medicine Alex had given me for my leg anymore.  I hated that, getting off the meds.

The doctors were kind enough to give me something for the constant ache in my head and another pill for when I felt like I needed to puke.  But other than that, the withdrawal wasn’t that bad.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, and I didn’t look up from my book, “Come in,” I called quietly.

Assuming it was Sam, who came to help me with the scar ointment for my cigarette burns and leg scratches and minor burns from the fire like he had been for the past three days since I’ve been here, I was ready to have a happy smile on my face so he’d think I was doing alright when he walked in the room.

But it wasn’t Sam, but his counterpart and my stupid torturer Colby.  Like usual, I didn’t know what to do when he entered the room.

He seemed hopeful, though, and I didn’t want to destroy what little pride he still had.  I’m assuming it would be awkward for him too, seeing as his victim is now in the same room as him and isn’t trying to press charges against him.

“Can I change your bandages?” He asked hesitantly, and I stared at him for a long moment.

Why on earth he thought he had any right to lay a finger on me after what he did to me baffles me, but I found myself nodding.  I simply couldn’t help it.

After a couple seconds of us staring at each other, I realized he was waiting for me to grab out the bandages and the other things he would need.

I threw my book to the side, not really caring about the page number because I wasn’t really reading it.  I pushed myself off the bed, hobbling my way to the bathroom where the mini basket of medical supplies sat on the edge of the counter.

“What did you do today?” Colby asked, clearing his throat.  I felt like I should have more of a connection with this man than basic, light and polite conversation, but I couldn’t figure out why.

He wouldn’t tell me, either.  But I didn’t ask.

“I, um, read.  I don’t know, I really didn’t do much,” I adjusted my long sleeve shirt on my body as I handed him the bag.

I realized my social skills have really declined.  I could hardly take the time to think about what I wanted to say so I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.  Which caused stuttering.

“What about you?” I figured if he wasn’t going to try and hurt me, I wouldn’t be rude to him because both of us knew I was uncapable of physically hurting Colby.

“I edited.  You remember when I edited videos, right?” He asked, as if he was trying to get me to remember something. But I just couldn’t.

It felt like part of my brain was in a fog and I couldn’t explain why or what was in that fog.  But I do remember sitting on the couch in his room while he typed away at his computer, clicking things and listening to audios.  From time to time he’d have me listen for something that oftentimes I couldn’t hear, and then he’d call himself crazy for whatever reason.

“It was boring,” I shrugged, causing him to give a quiet chuckle.  It seemed to fill the room with noise, and I loved it.  Liked, I liked it.

“Yeah, it’s not a lot of fun,” He agreed before picking up a couple of the bottles and reading their instructions.

I couldn’t understand why he could be so nice now but didn’t come to find me when I was with Alex.

Oh. 

I gasped when it all clicked in my brain.  I completely misunderstood Alex.

It’s not that he hurt me but he didn’t love me.  She told me that if he loved me he would make it stop, and he didn’t.

“Do you love me?” I blurted out.  I needed to know.  His next words would either solve everything or make me hate him.

He looked up at me, surprised I even brought up the subject.  But he could tell from the look in my eyes that I was desperate to know.

“With everything that I am,” He nodded slowly, his face tilted ever so slightly to the side like he was trying to read my mind.  I didn’t like it, it felt like a lot of pressure, “Why?” 

“Why didn’t you come find me then?” I asked, staring down at all the bottles and wrappings, I tapped my fingers very very slowly into the bed, trying my best to calm my nerves.  Something about the way he stared at me scared me to the pits of my soul.

“I tried looking for you.  The second Brian, Sam and I got back to the hotel.  That’s all I did ever since.  I did all I could to find you.  That’s all I wanted to do,” He smiled at me, not really a smile but kind of like a mixture of a frown and a smile.  Colby looked so sad yet so grateful and happy so his facial expressions were confusing me.

“But you knew where I was.  Alex told me ‘if Colby loves you he’d make it stop’ so why didn’t you make it stop?” I asked, sucking in a deep breath, and motioning to my arms and leg, “All of this is here because she told me if you loved me it would stop,” I repeated, “And it didn’t. So how do I know you’re not lying?”

I wish I had an internal knife to stab all the butterflies when Colby leaned closer to me, his hand wrapping around me and going to the small part of my back.  

“Trust me, Taylor.  Let me show you,” He said, his face incredibly close to mine.

I glanced from his eyes to his lips, then back up to his eyes.

It was something in those damn eyes that had me nodding along with every word he said.

The beautiful moment was interrupted by something shattering in one of the rooms outside my bedroom.