Right Back to You

11. Freak Out

What the fuck did I do?

Jessie made her way back to her room, doing her best to focus on her footsteps, her breathing, anything but what had just happened. Dreading the lack of purpose that came with the elevator ride, she even took the stairs, despite the fact that her room was on the seventh floor of the hotel.

Their room.

When she clicked the lock open, darkness greeted her, which meant Kyle was hopefully asleep. Kicking her boots off to make sure she made no noise, she began pacing. The light coming through the window from the street lamps outside was more than enough and she was really grateful because she really didn't want to wake Kyle.

Because she needed to freak out in a safe space. By herself.

What the fuck did I do?

And why couldn't she get him out of her head, off her lips.

Why? Why with him?

For crying out loud, she hadn't even known his name. She had no idea why she even pushed his buttons like that, because she was very aware it was all her. Being entitled, annoying, rude. She'd unloaded on him, and instead of yelling back at her, he'd kissed her.

But she'd had a rough night. She and Kyle had agreed not to sing to each other anymore. She understood why and it wasn't something she wanted to do anyway. He was her friend and pretending to be engaged to him was hard enough. She really didn't want to pretend to be in love with him. And yes, singing together was a whole lot different from singing to each other.

And yet, tonight, she'd caved to the pressure of the crowd. After repeated requests after every song, she'd given in and began singing to him, not with him. He hadn't embarrassed her and picked it up, singing back to her, but she'd seen it.

The resignation in his eyes. The pain. Because he most definitely didn't want to sing love songs to her. He wanted to sing to Kay. To find her, be with her. And this entire experience was breaking him a lot more than it broke her, because he was in love with someone else.

She was just loveless. So the game of play pretend didn't damage her in any way as long as she didn't fall in love with him, and that wasn't going to happen. Not because Kyle wasn't the most amazing guy she'd ever met, but because he wasn't for her. He was just her friend, maybe the first real friend she'd ever had, and she kept hurting him only because she let herself be bullied by a crowd of crazed fans who ate their fake relationship up.

And as they did their little number, Jessie realized she'd never felt as much as Kyle did in that one moment. She wanted that. To love, to hurt, to have real meaningful feelings that were hers, not dictated by others.

All she had was rebellion and frustration.

It was with that thought that after the concert was finally over she hated out into the night in a place she thought was empty to scream her frustration. She hadn't expected to find him there. Him out of all people.

Why the hell did he have to be so cool and collected? So damn hot? It pushed her buttons for some reasons. And the moment he threw it in his face how entitled she was, something inside her had broken. In that moment, she'd wanted to show him that he was wrong. That she could hurt, too.

That she was human.

And what was more human than fucking up?

But the moment he'd kissed her, for whatever reason since she was acting like a spoiled brat, it felt real. Raw. Honest. And she hadn't lied. That kiss had taken her breath away.