Surviving the Storm.

I should just make millions by acting.

I find it rather funny that when I'm in horrible pain no one knows, not because they don't care but because I won't show my pain.

My mom taught me and my sisters to be independent, all we'd ever need is ourselves and God. That's pretty much been my motto through all this, seeing the emotional and physical pain I was in through my own eyes I would put up my walls and no one would know.

If I needed to talk, God has always been there. Most people blame God when something bad happens to them, I didn't. I ran to his open arms asking why, yes, but never shaking my fist at Him.

Some days I want to give up, I want to scream "How is this a normal life?!" at the people who tell me that. Probably because it's really not a normal life, I live in a different world than most.

I am not normal. I will never be normal.

And yet, if you were to see me out and about I'd look normal... and that is why they call this an "invisible illness" because it's there you just can't see it.

But I feel it. Oh, how I feel it.

Aches, pains, sore muscles... I've had all of those.

I have sisters who are sympathetic, but I also have one who has said things like "If I had arthritis I wouldn't sit around all day." And she's also said "I don't care if you have arthritis you can still do-"

First it hurt, now I'm just sick of hearing things like that because she's not me so she doesn't know the antagonizing, paralyzing, can't-breathe-without-it-hurting pain I have been through.

It only makes me realize more and more that I am stronger then her, when she says things like that I tell her to wait until she's eighty... maybe by then she'll know how much pain I've gone through, emotionally and physically.