Surviving the Storm.

Breaking the ice and being different.

Nov 12, 2014.
This morning I woke up with the dire need to throw away my predisone but no, instead I threw them in my mouth.

After that night I spent in the hospital I was prescribed steroids with a promise of medication I would be on for the rest of my life, which had changed so much since June.

I had come to feel like a was a prisoner to my own body, my mind worked and thought like before yet I felt like someone had took away my old body and gave me one that malfunctions.

I gave up on talking to my sisters, they tried their hardest to understand but I knew if they did they would've had to have gone through the horrible pain I went through, and I didn't want that.

I think I told myself no one would understand because I knew if someone did then they were suffering mentally and physically like I was, but I soon began to realize I wasn't alone and my prayers to God became not only for myself but everyone with any type of arthritis.

Soon I found myself sitting at a doctors office where my new RA doctor prescribed me two types of medicine, a shot I would take daily and eight pills to take once a week.

I thought I would feel upset but as I sat and listen to my doctor talk, I only felt numb. Somehow I had managed to block out my emotions, I had even managed to give myself the shot the first three days, but my strength was fading on the fourth day my courage was gone, my mom ended up giving me the shot that day.

It had been days, maybe even weeks later I'm not sure, and one night I felt restless. That night my mental state went downhill, I cried, and cried but even with tears running down my face, I told myself I was fine.

After that night whenever I'm alone I think about who I've become, how my body has become, my family told me it wasn't arthritis when it first happened but as time went on I knew, I'm not sure how but I knew that one day what I had feared in the beginning would come true.

Now that we know, people attempt to tell me I'll live a normal life but the truth is its not normal for a teenager to remind herself to take her weekly pills, or take shots, most girls worry about boys but I don't get that priviledge.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll grow out of this but a part of me thinks that's impossible even though my doctor said some people do, but as I've been told by many doctors, nurses and physical therapist, I'm different.