TW: A lot of mentions of Sex, nudity, body dismorphia, suicide, self harm, drugs, confrontation of abuser
Sapnap POV
5:00 am. On a Saturday morning.
Why am I even awake?
I should go back to sleep.
Karl's head would slightly shift every time I rustled in the bed, I never know if I woke him up or not.
He looks so perfect.
I wish I could go back to sleep.
I can't get last night's events out of my head.
Karl is so unbelievably beautiful.
He's like an angel, a being of good, purity and innocence. But now, his halo is somewhere else, maybe on the floor, probably next to our clothes that we stripped off last night. Or, it's on the corner of his bed frame, hanging loosely. Or rather it's cracked or shattered...
It's weird for me to think about what came over me last night.
It was so surreal. I've never felt anything like that before.
It was almost magical holding him in my grasp, being able to see him up close.
Personal.
It was so rewarding to see every single hair and goosebump raise.
Personal.
I got to see him in a way no one's ever seen him. I saw everything.
Personal.
I hope my actions felt soft.
Gentle.
I hope that anytime I touched him it felt soft.
Gentle.
I gently loved him.
He felt gently loved, right?
God, Karl's body is still in the outline of mine. If it wasn't for me we'd still be laying here naked.
Naked.
Ok, stop! Stop! Stop!
I feel myself smile at the image of his body.
To cut the image of Karl from my mind, I focus on Karl's slumber. Karl's breath is so smooth and in a sweet rhythm it's almost calming to hear him inhale and exhale in his sleep.
He seems so powerful yet so graceful.
Power and grace in one place.
That place is Karl Jacobs.
That place is my home.
Karl Jacobs is my home.
I didn't mess up my home, did I?
I don't regret anything.
What if Karl regrets it?
Karl stirrs softly, his voice squeaking slightly.
Did I wake him up?
"Nick-?" he says, his voice slurred with sleep.
"You awake, Jacobs?"
"I think," he groans, lifting his arm straight up in the air, stretching it. "What time is it?"
"5:15 am, Saturday morning."
YOU ARE READING
Clinging On (KARLNAP)
FanfictionSapnap has always had it rough at home, and his gpa was slipping away from him. Karl was recovering from mental health issues that were caused by his mother dying recently. Both of them struggle and unlikely in a happenstance find there paths crossi...
